2010-2011 Winter Cyberspace Open Round 1 Survivors
Column names below: Order number, Structure score, Dialogue score, Style score, Originality Score, Total Score, Judge's Comments
Note: an order number of 35000 means that the writer did not put the order number on the cover page or in the file name.  These scores will also be emailed to writers who gave their email addresses.
Ord #	Struc	Dial	Style	Orig	Total	Comments
30942	23	22	22	23	90	A funny and clever scene. The situation works well for these two superheroes and the tone is perfect, or else this wouldn’t work. Even though there is some subtext, most of their argument is on-the-nose, and the characters say exactly what they mean because they are arguing about real issues they have with each. The trick is to have them talk about one thing, but really have an underlying meaning to the conversation that addresses the real issue.
30943	22	21	21	21	85	The scene works, and an on-air news report is an excellent opportunity for subtext. However, in this case the subtext is not very subtle, and the secondary characters even point it out. Lori’s report is vague, and doesn’t clue us in on the issue. Is she mad at the Joke of the Day, or is she mad at Dennis. It seems like it’s the joke she’s upset about, and her reaction is more acting out. This also makes for a one-sided conversation. Where as if she was angry at Dennis they would be able to have a two-sided conversation (maybe off the air, or through the intercom) where they have out an issue in public by disguising the topic. It’s then through the subtext that we need to interpret the meaning.
30946	24	25	24	24	97	Very interesting. A simple and very subtle scene, but it’s good. It’s short and to the point. It’s not overwritten, and Sarah manages to say a lot with a little. We get the situation immediately, and even Cherie’s few words tell us where she stands. There might be a way to improve it by providing us a little more insight into the specifics of their argument, but it works well as written.
30947	22	20	20	24	86	30947-1:  Interesting take on the scene prompt.  Points for originality.  Also, strong character dynamics on display here.  Would like to have gotten a bit more pop out of the dialogue and the scene would have flowed better if we didn't get a line of action between each and every line of dialogue. Go a little more sparse with scene description and try not to let the writing get in the way of the flow of the scene.  Still, some good stuff on the page here.
30947	22	22	23	21	88	30947-2:  Interesting scene.  Really loved the dynamic between Carl and Mary, really felt the weight between them and the impending destruction of their relationship.  A lot of emotional weight here.  The dialogue didn't really jump off the page but at the same time, it did do a good job of establishing the tense vibe.  Would like to have seen a couple more beats that weren't dialogue-based within the scene.  But again, strong character work, great use of tone.
30948	24	23	24	23	94	A good scene, and a great use of minimal dialogue. The characters manage to say a lot with very few words. We learn a lot from their actions. However, the dialogue is a little vague. There is good use of subtext when Avan and Sophia are doing dishes, but his conversation on the phone, and the discussion with Sophia that follows, raises more questions than it answers. It gives the impression their issues are more material than personal which is what we were led to believe at first.
30949	24	24	24	24	96	Simple and straightforward, but a very good scene. She wants to spice up their relationship. He doesn’t. The taco conversation makes for solid subtext even though for a while it does seem like they are actually talking about the tacos. Ironically, if this was a conversation about tacos, it might be a little too on-the-nose so it might be worth loosening up the conversation.
30953	24	22	23	23	92	There is something very good here. It’s a tense and very original scene. It’s patient and well paced. However, even after looking at it multiple times, it’s still confusing. It’s not entirely clear what exactly happened, and there are multiple interpretations one can have after reading this scene. If the dialogue were slightly less vague it could go far in improving the scene.
30954	22	23	22	24	91	Very interesting take on the scene prompt.  Solid character relationship, compelling turns along the way.  It's a little easy to see where things are headed as soon as she mentions needing the car that's already been demolished but even so, some nice moments.  Overall, a pretty strong scene.
30955	20	21	21	23	85	The final reveal that this was all a reality show is clever, but in the end it’s still very difficult to tell what they are talking about. The characters are extremely vague, and the discussion is so ambiguous it could mean any number of things. However, this sterile sound stage setting ends up hurting the scene because you are unable to use the action, the setting, other characters, and numerous other outside influences to help clue the audience in on necessary information. In this scenario it’s extremely difficult to utilize subtext because the reader has absolutely nothing else to go on but the dialogue.
30956	24	22	22	22	90	There are some really funny moments, but there are also some logic issues. For example, it isn’t quite clear why Michael needs to pose as the older woman to keep the apartment, or why they need to give the impression an older woman lives here at all. It’s also a little difficult to believe that they would be able to pull this off so the overall tone would benefit from being even more over-the-top in order to cater to the far-fetched scenario. In addition, the subtext is minimal, there are a few times when it’s clear Michael and Beth are trying to keep something from Beverly, but there is no big underlying issue unfolding between them that requires much subtext.
30958	24	19	22	22	87	Interesting setting and concept here, and points for structure.  The scene is paced well and doesn't run on longer than it should.  Would like to have gotten a bit more punch and subtext out of the dialogue though.
30959	19	20	23	22	84	Good setting here and a lot of nice moments, though the scene could use some tightening in the middle, where it lags a bit before coming to a strong ending.  Also, would like to have gotten a little bit more punch and pop from the dialogue.
30961	24	24	24	24	96	This is a real good scene. The dialogue is good, and the subtext is clear and easier to understand. The scene might be even better if this were all set up without us even seeing the Playgirl magazine at first – maybe a conversation Roger initiates at the dinner table. We could then pick up on the nature of his complaint through the subtext. Haley’s last line could still work as a button that also ties it all together. It might also work better if this were more of an overall comedic scene because some of the heavier moments (Roger hurting Trina) are in direct contrast to Haley’s funny comic relief.
30963	24	23	23	23	93	A pretty good scene and a pair of interesting characters. There is some good use of subtext, but it’s not always clear what the characters are getting at. At the end, the point is clear, and it’s obvious they are talking each other, but the first part of their conversation is a little vague. It’s not entirely quite clear what happened to Ginger.
30965	24	22	22	23	91	It’s a cute and funny scene with some good characters and good dialogue. However, the subtext is very heavy-handed, and closer to being an analogy – the story obviously mirrors the one unfolding between the two characters. This might work better if it were disguised, or there were an added wrinkle so it didn’t unfold as expected.
30968	22	21	24	24	91	Very strong, tense, visual scene.  A lot to love about what happens as this scene plays out.  Would like to have gotten more punch and subtext out of the dialogue though, and a leaner, tighter version of the scene, cut down by about a page, would have made a good scene even stronger.  Still, an impressive scene overall.
30971	20	23	22	24	89	Very interesting concept here.  Nice take on the scene prompt.  Some sharp dialogue and good character relationships, though things really pop more at the end than they do in the beginning.  A leaner, trimmed down version that gets us to the good stuff a little sooner would have scored higher under structure.  Even so, there's lots to love about this.
30973	19	23	22	22	86	Great character dynamic here.  Some strong dialogue as well.  Also, good tension level throughout.  That said, the scene runs long and would have benefitted from an edit.  A four-page version of this scene would just pop more.  Still, lots of good stuff here and a strong ending.
30974	20	21	23	20	84	Great tension level throughout the scene.  Interesting characters too, though it would have been nice to get a little more punch and little more subtext out of the dialogue.  Also, while the tension level was high, the scene still ran a bit longer than it might have.  A leaner version would have scored higher in structure.
30975	19	22	23	22	86	Interesting concept and some solid dialogue work here, though the dialogue had to carry almost the entire scene.  Giving us a bit more movement, visuals and action in the second half of the scene would have made it pop more.  Also, a trim would be helpful too, as the dialogue heavy scene runs a little longer than it needs to.
30976	22	23	21	24	90	Fun scene, lots of great stuff on the page here.  Really loved the character dynamic and enjoyed a lot of the dialogue.  It would have moved a bit better if the writing style were leaner though, and that tighter approach is more in keeping with the prevailing winds in Hollywood these days.  As for the content, again, it's strong, but trimming it back about 10% would help too.
30977	22	21	22	23	88	It’s a funny scene, but there is no real use of subtext. Ethan left Jenna in the dark about what he told his co-workers and she finds out about it over the course of the party. They aren’t having it out over something while disguising the true nature of their dialogue. Subtext is when the characters say one thing, but mean something else. It could work in this scene if it were tweaked to focus on Jenna scolding Ethan for putting her in an awkward position while attempting to stay in the character he created, and follow along with the lie.
30979	20	24	20	24	88	Big points for originality.  Nice, fresh, unique take on the scene prompt.  A lot of good dialogue work here too, giving us a good sense of the character dynamics.  The writing style feels a bit too dense particularly at the outset, and a leaner version would click more.  Also, a tighter scene, edited down by about 10% would have more pop.  Even so, lots of great stuff on the page here!
30980	22	22	22	23	89	This is a clever idea, but it’s tough to pull something like this off in such a short scene because it takes too much time for the audience to get their bearings. There is some dense early description to set the stage, and the dialogue that follows is vague, and it’s not clear what this has to do with the setting. Overall, it doesn’t feel like all these disparate elements jive together. There is clear use of subtext, but the point isn’t entirely clear so the nature of their conversation could easily be misinterpreted.
30981	24	23	23	23	93	The White House briefing room makes for a great setting, and a perfect opportunity to use subtext. Even though we quickly understand the nature of their conversation, the circumstances might be slightly confusing to some. Is there a way to better establish the nature of this character dynamic? This doesn’t take away from the scene, and the audience will be able to put these pieces together on their own, but details like, is Judy talking about Richard or the President, and how Joan fits into the dynamic could be made clearer from the beginning.
30982	20	22	22	20	84	Solid character work here -- we really feel the dynamic between these roles.  Dialogue has some strong moments too.  The scene itself seems to run on a little longer than it might, dragging a little in the middle, so compressing it and getting to the end sooner would make it resonate more.
30984	20	21	24	24	89	Very fresh, unique concept here and a ton of energy.  Lots of style.  The character dynamic is solid but the dialogue could use a little more punch and the scene could be trimmed down by about 20% to a leaner version.  Even so, big points for freshness and energy.
30986	19	21	21	22	83	Good concept, solid character dynamic.  The dialogue has lots of good moments in it but is required to carry the entire scene, where a more visual approach, with more movement and action interspersed with dialogue would have felt more cinematic.
30987	23	20	22	22	87	Strong tension level from the outset, some interesting character relationships on the page.  Would like to have seen more going on visually, besides the playing of the game, as well as a bit more punch from the dialogue. Still, good tension level and kudos for being concise.
30988	21	22	19	23	85	Clever, fresh take on the scene prompt.  Points for uniqueness.  Would like to have gotten a little more pop and punch out of the dialogue and the writing style and scene descriptions are denser than needed.  Thinning it out and trimming the overall size of the scene down by about 20% would make it more impactful in the end.  Still, a lot of good stuff here.
30989	21	22	22	24	89	A compelling, original concept here.  Points for freshness, to be sure.  Interesting dynamic between the characters and very strong tension level as well.  Scene runs a little long and a leaner version would probably resonate more.
30990	24	22	23	21	90	Great tension level here from the outset and solid character relationship.  We really feel the dynamic between the roles.  Dialogue has some sharp beats too, though as the scene goes on, it has to carry a bit too much of the load.  A little more in terms of visuals would be helpful.  Even so, some very impressive stuff here, including the great economy of words.  In screenwriting, concise is good and that's a strength here.
30991	20	21	23	21	85	Strong characters here.  We really feel the history in this family.  The dialogue has some good moments but it basically dominates the entire scene, which would have felt more cinematic if we had a bit more going on visually.  A little movement, a little action.  The tension's there and the characters are good but the visuals are what make a scene feel like a movie.  Still, strong characterizations and good tension level.
30995	22	21	22	21	86	Interesting character dynamic here, some compelling visuals.  Nice tension level at the outset, though the outcome becomes a little easy to see coming, meaning the final beat has a little less impact than it might.  Also, would like to have gotten a little more punch out of the dialogue.  Even so, some very interesting, very cinematic elements along the way.
30997	21	24	23	24	92	This is a very enjoyable, well-written scene.  Tons of great stuff on the page here: strong concept, interesting characters, sharp dialogue.  Very well done!  The one downside is that it feels a little oversized, slowing down a bit in the middle, but overall, still an impressive bit of writing.  Nice job!
30998	23	20	23	21	87	Solid writing style here, interesting character relationships.  The scene would have benefitted from a bit more movement, visuals, and action, rather than relying so heavily on dialogue.  A more visual approach feels more cinematic.
31000	23	22	22	24	91	Great concept here.  Lots of energy, lots of tension, lots of visuals.  Would like to have gotten a little more pop out of the dialogue through a more subtextual approach.  Also, the writing style is pretty dense and material of this nature tends to play better when the language gets out of the way and and the writing plays out beat-by-beat.  The leaner approach is more in keeping with prevailing Hollywood winds.  Still, lots of good stuff on the page here and a very visual, cinematic moment.
31003	19	22	22	23	86	Strong concept, lots of tension at the start of the scene.  Though the threat remains as the scene plays out, it gets a little too dialogue heavy, which slows things down and lessions the tension a little.  Also, a leaner version of this scene would resonate more.  Editing it down by about 20% would help.
31004	23	23	21	23	90	An entertaining and fun scene, with a quirky sci-fi bent. Characters are clearly-drawn, with good voicing, and their dialogue has some nice pop. Liked the “literal” QUADO, and the JOEY/PAULY wordplay dance around him works well, providing solid comedic beats, even if they kind of forget about it and delve into the literal details of the drifter’s demise. Loved the pop tart/cow patty definitions. 2 STYLE points deducted for exceeding required submission 5-page limit. Aside from that, a solid effort here.
31005	24	22	22	22	90	A slightly different setting with slightly different characters. We quickly get the nature of their relationship, but the conversation doesn’t quite hit the nail on the head. It appears like Arnelle is really talking about sex, but the circumstances don’t necessarily warrant subtext. It also stands out as odd because the characters are so young, and it feels like these kids at this age would come right out and say what they mean. The intention is good, but the execution slightly misses the mark.
31006	22	23	21	22	88	Great character dynamic here.  We really feel the relationship and the history.  Strong dialogue too, though as the scene moves onward, the dialogue gets a little too thick, carrying the whole scene, which could use more visuals and action in the second half.
31014	24	20	20	22	86	Fun, energetic scene with a real visual flare.  The dialogue could have used a bit more pop and a bit more subtext to feel as cinematic as the visuals do.  Also, the writing style is pretty dense and the prevailing winds in Hollywood favor a leaner approach.  Hit it beat-by-beat rather than giving us thick pages of black ink and we can see the scene in real-time.
31015	21	20	21	21	83	Interesting character dynamic between Steven and Melinda and a lot of tension in the dialogue, though the scene could have used more in terms of visuals, beyond just the food chopping.  It feels pretty dialogue heavy and would have seemed more cinematic if we got a bit more movement, visuals, and action.
31016	22	22	22	22	88	Having culinary students describe a recipe is an interesting and unique way for this argument to occur. However, it’s also a very difficult way to implement subtext. It’s clear they are each describing the sour turn their relationship has taken, but their conversation only scratches the surface as to their real issues. It might work better if they were to exchange descriptions so the tension builds instead of taking turns describing their cake, or speaking their mind. This would make it more of an active discussion instead of coming off as a rant or a one-sided speech.
31020	23	20	20	22	85	Good setting and setup and strong character dynamics in this scene. Dialogue could have used a little more pop and punch and while the scene opens strong, it moves slowly through the middle, before finding some impact in the end.  Amping up the energy in the middle would make it feel more cinematic.
31021	23	21	22	22	88	Interesting concept here.  An original take on the scene prompt.  Some compelling dialogue too, though the scene gets a little too dialogue heavy going forward, and more visuals, action, and movement would have helped make it pop more.
31023	21	21	21	21	84	There is something good here, and it’s a very funny idea, but it’s also slightly confusing as written. We see Santa die in the first scene, and then he’s alive in the next. It’s jarring, as are the multiple short scenes. It might work better if Mrs. Clause caught Santa in a lie and then plotted to kill him in the same scene. As written, there is an awful lot going on. In the end, it’s not so much how Mrs. Clause kills Santa that’s important as much as it’s why and how she finds out about it. For example, the subtext of their conversation could be about how she calls him out, and how he denies it.
31024	24	22	22	22	90	Husband and wife surgeons arguing over the operating table makes for a good scene. There is some obvious subtext as the characters clearly have underlying personal issues. However, the dialogue in this scene is more focused on the technical jargon and the task at hand when the scene should really be about the characters. It looks, feels and sounds authentic, but the conversation doesn’t provide us much information about what’s going on between these two. The subtext can go deeper. The situation may be unique, but it might help the scene if we begin to see how their personal problem is also unique.
31025	20	22	22	25	89	Very fresh, original concept here.  Great setting, solid character interactions.  Dialogue was solid but could have used a little punch and the writing style could have been a little leaner, particularly at the outset.  Editing this down by about 10% would also help give it some needed punch.  Still, big points for originality.
31026	19	18	21	23	81	Good concept here, some interesting dialogue beats and character interaction.  Scene would have felt more cinematic though if there was more going on visually.  The use of dialogue from beginning to end gives it more of a stage play feel than that of a screenplay.  Give us a little action, movement, and visuals to make it pop.
31028	21	21	24	24	90	Strong scene, lots of great visuals, lots of energy and action.  Structurally, it runs a little long and a fully linear approach would have kept things moving more.  But kudos for the visual, cinematic writing style and the energetic scene.
31029	24	21	21	24	90	Very original scene, lots of strong visuals on the page.  Scene has a very cinematic feel to it.  Dialogue could have used a little more pop and the writing style would be stronger if it wasn't quite so dense.  It's not terribly thick but dialogue exchanges tend to be broken up at almost every line but action text, which slows down the pacing.  But as for the merits of the scene itself, nice work!
31030	19	23	22	21	85	There's some pretty good dialogue in this scene and the mystery of why these two people are crucified on 110th Street gives it some intrigue at the outset, but after that point, it slows down quite a bit.  The dialogue, while good in tone, could have used an edit and the scene as a whole would have felt more cinematic if there was more movement and action, more going on visually.
31034	23	22	22	23	90	A clever scene: two of Frankenstein’s monsters arguing over whether or not it was right to kill their master. However, it takes a while to understand the tone and the setting. It might work better to provide a little more description of the monsters so we know what we’re dealing with. The dialogue is good, but they jump topic very quickly, and without any transition. The parallel to talking about the sports team losing the coach makes for good subtext, but they drop this conversation for a much more on-the-nose discussion before eventually coming right out and saying exactly what happened.
31035	19	20	21	24	84	Fresh, original concept, a lot of good visuals on the page.  Writing is pretty dense, particularly for the first couple of pages, and getting to the dialogue sooner would have made for a sharper scene.  An overall edit would help too, as the material just feels longer than it needs to be.  Trimming about 15% off the totality of the scene would be wise.
31038	20	21	22	24	87	Great setting, nice character work.  Scene runs a little long, feeling pretty dialogue heavy as it moves forward, and trimming off about a page would have made it pop more.   Still, some strong stuff here and an interesting concept.
31042	21	21	20	23	85	Fresh, original concept here and some clever dialogue, though the dialogue has to carry a bit too much of the load.  It gets pretty dense at times and the scene would have benefitted from more visuals, movement and action.  Feels like a stageplay more than a screenplay.  Go more visual and it'll feel more cinematic.
31043	23	20	23	21	87	Good setting and strong character dynamic on display.  Also, the lean writing style has the feel of professional Hollywood screenwriting.  Dialogue could have used a little more punch and the end of the scene could have hit a more powerful note but again, strong character work here.
31046	21	24	18	23	86	Great setting, interesting take on the scene prompt.  Some solid dialogue here too, though the writing style is pretty dense and a leaner approach would feel more cinematic and would be more in keeping with prevailing Hollywood style.
31049	20	21	23	22	86	Interesting take on the scene prompt, solid characterizations, and some good dialogue moment.  That said, the dialogue gets a little thick at times and for the most part, it's called upon to carry the load.  A few more visual or action beats would be useful here, as would an edit, cutting down at least a page if not two.
31050	24	21	22	24	91	Unhappily married wedding planners make for a great pair of characters, and having their argument occur in front of potential clients is a funny, ironic situation. It’s clear there are issues under the surface, but the dialogue doesn’t attempt to hide it very well. This isn’t so much subtext as it is Melody bossing Jim around. At the end of the scene, it’s made clear that Melody is upset over the bachelor party, and expresses this by suggesting the ridiculous idea to her clients. However, it’s laid on a little thick, and might work better if scaled back and slightly more subtle.
31052	22	23	22	21	88	Interesting scene, has a very cinematic feel to it.  Quality dialogue, though it gets a bit too dialogue heavy in the second half.  Scene starts bigger than it ends.  Even so, lots of good stuff here.
31053	20	20	22	23	85	Interesting take on the scene prompt.  Good character interaction.  Dialogue had its strengths but it was burdened with carrying too much of the load here. A more visual approach to the first four pages would have felt more cinematic.  Nice turn in the end but it would have been great to get this energy on the page sooner.
31057	22	21	21	21	85	A unique venue for this scene and very strong family dynamic. However, there is no noticeable subtext to this conversation. It seems that Jim is misleading in what he plans to do to the horse, but saying one thing and meaning another, is different from a conversation with an underlying meaning. Subtext works more like a metaphor than misdirection. Now if Jim and Wynona were to argue about whether or not to kill the horse in front of Dill, they would have to disguise their argument by talking about something else. That would be a good way to add subtext to this scene.
31058	23	23	23	23	92	A funny set of circumstances and a great location for this type of argument to occur. The use of subtext is good, and works great in this situation. Even though the disagreement between Susan and John is clear, it feels very one-sided because John is so disengaged. It seems like to him, there is no argument. It’s not entirely clear where he’s coming from, and the famous movie quotes and voices often come off as random ways to annoy Susan more than a tool used to aide in his argument.
31058	24	23	22	24	93	An original scene with a pair of really good characters. The circumstances are unique and the conversation works well to hint at their underlying issues though we aren’t quite sure what those issues are. It appears like they are romantically involved, but the argument often seems more like it occurs out of overall frustration about their situation than about a personal issue that goes beyond their work. They take jabs at each other like a bickering couple, but it comes off like the words of two people who have been stuck together in a space ship for way too long.
31062	24	22	21	22	89	A very good use of subtext, but the circumstances lack believability. The situation is a bit forced and unnatural. The scene might work better if this situation were presented in a more organic way. Wipman’s point is clear, but the scenario he chooses to express that point (Gonzalo doing other homework in his class) is not the best possible way to make that point. It comes off as being slightly cumbersome, and a little odd. However, the final button where it appears like Ms. Coogan is about to have a similar conversation with Mr. Drake works very well to bring this around full circle.
31068	22	22	20	21	85	Good character interaction here and some interesting dialogue beats.  The scene starts out with a bit more punch and power than it ends with though, as the forgotten birthday beat in the end feels a little familiar.  Would like to have seen a sharper turn here.  Even so, good character work in this scene.
31069	23	19	20	21	83	Good visuals here, some sharp action.  Enjoyed the interplay between the characters, though the setup feels a little familiar (a lot of zombie stuff these days) and the writing style is a little dense.  A leaner style resonates more and fits with the current Hollywood paradigm.  Dialogue had some good beats but could have used a more subtextual approach.  Still, some good moments here and kudos for writing visually.
31078	22	23	19	22	86	Interesting character dynamic here, some sharp subtextual dialogue.  No wasted beats either -- the pacing is solid.  That said, the thick writing style gets in the way of the pacing a little.  Hollywood tends to favor a leaner style, that reads at almost the same clip as the moment would play out on-screen.  Also, the final beat feels a little out-of-place and sudden.  Still, a lot of godd stuff on the page here.
31081	24	22	23	23	92	An eerie and very creepy scene that is incredibly atmospheric. There is definitely a mysterious element present, but the subtext of their conversation isn’t entirely clear. The dialogue is minimal and basic, so it’s hard to interpret any underlying meaning to the conversation.
31091	20	20	21	23	84	Strong setup, interesting take on the scene prompt. Also, really enjoyed the final beat -- nice little moment there.  Solid character dynamic too.The scene would have popped more and felt more cinematic if the dialogue had more subtext though.  Find ways to say things without saying them aloud and it'll really come to life.
31092	19	20	21	24	84	Interesting setup, nice concept for the scene.  Would have resonated a bit more of the dialogue was more subtextual and if the scenes themselves had a bit more energy and stronger visuals.  Also, a bigger ending with a more surprising outcome would be useful.
31093	21	22	20	22	85	Interesting setup, some compelling turns here.  Though there is some sharp dialogue here, it's relied upon to do a bit more of the heavy lifting than it needs to and the scene moves pretty slowly going forward, since it doesn't have the movement, visuals, or action it could.  Tighter pacing and more visuals would make it feel more cinematic.
31101	24	22	22	22	90	An intense situation with a careful attention to detail. However, the seriousness of the situation and the life and death stakes are in direct contrast to the playful tone of the conversation. It seems Grace is talking about her cheating fiancé when telling the others about the chef, and this is a pretty good use of subtext, but not quite as strong as if she were having this conversation with her fiancé. The underlying subtext would still work. This would also make for more of a two-way conversation, and a more appropriate venue.
31110	23	21	21	21	86	A woman walking in on a cheating husband is an excellent compromising situation for this type of argument to unfold. However, there is no real subtext. The characters have it out, but they say exactly what they mean. Given the circumstances, and the stakes, this isn’t the type of scenario that works well with subtext because it’s a panic situation where the characters will want to say exactly what they mean.
31118	24	24	23	24	95	A cute and fun scene with a gooey center. The argument is small, and the stakes aren’t very high, but it does work well. What also stands out about this scene is that the characters do arc and learn something in a short amount of time. It’s slightly rushed, but still done effectively to give the scene some added dimension.
31122	21	22	19	23	85	Interesting scene, lots of energy and action.  Would love to have gotten more subtext, more being said without being said.  Also, the writing style could be thinned out considerably to match the prevailing style in Hollywood and making for a quicker, smoother read that matches the pace of the moment.
31126	23	18	20	24	85	Clever, original scene with a lot of energy.  Interesting characters too -- PJ in particular.  The dialogue would have felt more cinematic if it was loaded with more subtext rather than being as literal as it is.  Still, some solid stuff here, nice pacing, and a great visual to end the scene.
31137	24	23	23	24	94	A solid scene with some excellent action. It’s clear these two have issues, but it’s not quite clear what happened to land them in this spot. There is good use of subtext, but it is vague, and doesn’t shed much light on the situation. We understand the nature of their argument, but that’s about it.
31139	20	21	22	23	86	Great opening.  A lot of energy and powerful visuals from the outset.  After the initial shock though, the scene slows down a bit, getting pretty thick with dialogue and not giving us as much movement or action as it might.  The ending, while clever, dilutes the impact a little.
31143	22	20	23	23	88	Fun, interesting scene.  A lot of energy here and a very strong ending too.  Would like to have gotten a better sense of the characters' personalities and laying on the subtext a little thicker in the dialogue would have helped too.  Even so, an interesting scene.
31153	21	20	21	20	82	This scene appears to have all the right ingredients but it relies too much on talk and backstory-heavy drama.  Description and the writing overall could be a little better, but it's hard to get invested in the characters when we don't have anyone to really identify with or root for.  We crave more action in the present, and though we get that these characters are up to no good, we wish it were a bit more exciting and movie-like.  Remember, writing is rewriting!
31155	24	22	21	21	88	A very unique set of circumstances, but the conflict is minimal and one-sided. The stakes don’t feel very high, and the scene is very casual so there is very little need for subtext. The characters speak in a very matter-of-fact manner and don’t attempt to hide the meaning of their conversation. Some information is left out and not mentioned, but this is slightly different than subtext.
31168	23	19	23	20	85	Some interesting beats here and good, tense subject matter, though the scene would have resonated more if the subtext were laid on a little thicker.  Feels a little too literal at times.  Also, would like to have seen a harder beat in the end.
31174	21	23	23	25	92	Big points for originality here!  Great concept, great take on the scene prompt.  Good character relationship too, though the constant time and body shifts made it a little harder to get to know them than it needed to be.  Cutting it down to just one or two shifts would probably have made it resonate more.  Even so, nice work!
31178	23	20	23	22	88	Solid scene, nice character work.  Inna and Zev pop as much as Chester and Elizabeth do (more so, in fact).  Would like to have seen a few more surprises on the page though and a denser layer of subtext.
31184	24	21	22	23	90	Very fresh, original take on the scene prompt.  Clever setup, solid characterizations.  Also, kudos for pacing and keeping the scene nice and tight.  The dialogue could have used a bit more pop and a bit more subtext though and a bigger turn in the end would have been good to have.  Overall, nice job.
31185	21	23	21	23	88	Fresh setting, nice play on the scene prompt.  Liked Penny's characterization a lot and really felt the history with Harold.  The scene runs a little longer than it probably should, getting a little stagnant around the halfway point, and it doesn't end on as powerful a beat as it might.  Even so, a lot of good stuff on the page here.
31187	20	23	19	23	85	Interesting, clever setup here.  Liked the setting and the characters, and the dialogue had pop at times.  The scene itself would have benefitted from an edit, as it seemed to run long in the middle.  Also, a much leaner writing style would improve the read and match current industry standards.  Thinning out action text and description and not writing out full newspaper articles would be wise.
31191	20	22	20	24	86	Interesting setting and setup, good take on the scene prompt.  While there are certainly some smart beats in the dialogue, the scene would have benefitted from a bit more in terms of visuals and motion as it moved forward.  A leaner version (maybe a page shorter) would resonate more and a much sparser writing style when it comes to action and description would be more in keeping with current Hollywood trends.  Thin it out and the scene will pop more.
31195	23	20	22	23	88	Very interesting take on the scene prompt.  Tons of energy, strong tension level.  Good job of putting us on edge and keeping us there.  Dialogue could have used a little more punch though, as it really seemed to be the characters talking about the wrong things more so than talking about the right things through subtext.  But still, a pretty solid bit of work with great energy.
31207	23	23	21	22	89	An interesting topic and some good use of subtext. However, the characters seem to get distracted, and there appears to be a lot of other things going on in the scene that are never paid off, such as Marcus. Overall, the writing is solid and there is good misdirection to end off the scene.
31213	22	23	22	22	89	Solid scene, interesting character work, some very sharp dialogue.  The "six out of ten" line really stood out, though the entire tiger story worked nicely.  Scene could have used a bit more in terms of visual flair but still, overall a solid bit of writing.
31219	21	23	21	24	89	Great setting and setup here.  Definitely easy to feel the relationship between the characters too.  After the initial setup though, the scene moves a little slower than it might, largely because it's pretty dialogue heavy but without enough accompanying visuals, movement or action.  Needed to come to life in a bigger way visually but again, good concept here and some solid dialogue writing.
31221	20	21	21	24	86	Strong setting and visuals to open the scene, as well as a nicely crafted character dynamic.  Though the scene opens well, it slows down a bit going forward and could have used a few more visual turns before we get to the end.  It picks up on the final page but in the middle, it could use a bit more action or movement to keep things popping.
31241	23	22	21	21	87	A good topic with deception and shady tactics from both characters. However, the dialogue is more wordplay and puns than subtext. There is no real underlying meaning being discussed, and we know exactly what they are saying even though they don’t mention it flat out. This might work better if the dialogue were a little more subtle.
31247	20	21	22	21	84	This is a well-written scene with potential, but it never really gets going for the reader.  For starters, we initially think Sherridan is a boy and not a girl, so that throws us off a bit (better to have character names that are easy to grasp, like 'Jennifer' or something).  From there, the dialogue between them never really engages us and seems a little talky (perhaps I didn't get the subtext).  It's a little unclear what prompts the argument between the two, and we crave some bit of action to help break up the scene.  It's a nice effort overall but remember, movies are about action!
31261	23	20	21	21	85	Solid character dynamic here.  We really feel the history between Adam and Sydney.  A bit more going on besides the dialogue in the middle stretch would have helped out a bit though, as it moves a little slower there than it probably should.  Also felt that the Pizza Boy piece at the end could have used a little more punch if it's going to be there.
31263	19	21	23	24	87	This scene ends extremely well.  A couple of very nice turns in the final page or two.  But it takes a while to get there and the first couple pages of dialogue feel pretty on-the-nose, even if we do learn that there's something different about the relationship later.  Needed a bit more of the energy that comes from the reveal earlier.  But again, great second half!
31293	21	20	21	24	86	Great setup here -- really liked the zombie on a school bus idea and the romantic element.  Would like to have seen a little more subterfuge in the dialogue, which, despite using different language at times, still felt pretty on-the-nose.  Also, a bit more movement, visuals or action as the scene plays out would be helpful, since it becomes pretty static and dialogue heavy.  Still, a lot of fun stuff here.
31294	22	20	22	22	86	Interesting relationship between these characters, solid subject matter in the scene.  The dialogue had a tendency to feel a bit expository and it's best to avoid having characters say things they would already both know and to find other ways to convey that info to the audience.  Also, the writing style, while fairly solid, would be stronger if it didn't tell us what people think or hope (since the audience won't be able to read the script).
31295	22	22	21	23	88	Strong character work here.  Really felt the dynamic between Annie and Jen.  Scene felt a little longer than it needed to be -- an edit would do some good.  Also, the writing style is a little dense, particularly in the very beginning, and a leaner approach to action text writing tends to resonate more in Hollywood.
31296	21	22	21	22	86	A very interesting topic of discussion, but at times the conversation feels a little too much like a lecture. It’s rigid and not always natural. It might work better if the characters loosened up and were more casual. This would allow the subtleties of the subtext to be hidden a little better. Even though Oliver isn’t coming right out and saying what he really thinks, he’s making it a little too obvious.
31300	23	20	22	23	88	Clever take on the scene prompt here.  Really loved the final beat with Norman freaking out when he goes into the bathroom.  The dialogue was functional to the scene but could have used a bit more punch and pop, something to make it stand out more.  Even so, nice character work, fun scene.
31305	22	24	22	24	92	Very interesting concept.  Great take on the scene prompt.  Really loved the subject matter and the character dynamic.  Great use of the guitar almost as a character itself.  A very smart, nicely crafted scene.  Well done!
31308	21	22	23	23	89	Interesting take on the scene prompt.  Loved the setting and the topical subject matter.  Would like to have seen a little more visually in the middle, as it gets pretty dialogue heavy after the initial setup and before the nice little turn in the end.  A tighter version would resonate more.  Even so, a lot of good stuff here.
31311	20	23	22	21	86	Interesting scene, lots of fun moments on the page, and some good dialogue beats.  Would like to have seen a little more energy though, a bit more movement and action, and tighter pacing.  A leaner version of this scene would resonate a bit more.  Even so, some solid stuff here.
31315	20	23	22	24	89	Very fresh, original take on the scene prompt.  Great use of setting and setup.  Solid characters, strong dialogue.  The scene would have benefitted from more movement and/or visuals going forward though, as it doesn't really pick up much beyond its setup.  Needed to find another turn while also trimming the total length by about 15%.  Even so, some interesting stuff here.
31318	20	20	20	20	80	An interesting idea, but it might work a lot better without the opening image where we see the necklace. This gives away the subject when the root of their conflict should be subtly revealed through the subtext of their conversation. In addition, the action description provides back story and details that can’t be physically shot on camera so an audience watching this as a film won’t have the same information as the reader of the script because not everything can translate. For example, the film audience won’t know that Parker was a thief who “promised Alec she would quit and find a legitimate job when the got married. She lied and told Alec she now works as a receptionist at a PR firm.”
31332	24	22	23	23	92	Good well paced action. The scene is fun and entertaining, but the subtext is minimal and the dialogue grows repetitive. This is a tough scene to use subtext because the situation is intense and the characters would normally say exactly what they mean under these circumstances. In this case, they don’t come right out and say why they are being chased, but their argument is pretty much on the nose.
31333	24	23	20	22	89	Strong dialogue here, nicely structured scene with a good turn in the end.  Writing style is a little denser than Hollywood standards and thinning it out considerably would make for a smoother read.  Less is more when it comes to screenwriting.  Still, nice scene, good character relationship, solid dialogue.
31335	22	23	23	25	93	Very interesting, unexpected scene!  Intriguing take on the scene prompt, a lot of voice on the page here.  Nice use of dialogue, nice turn at the end.  A little slow to get started but pretty engaging once we get a sense of the character dynamic.  Well done!
31336	24	25	24	25	98	A clever scene that works so well because it’s a nice play on the traditional Adam and Eve story. The subtext is subtle, but works. It’s very funny, and the tone is what helps this all come together. Most importantly, the scene doesn’t try to do too much. It’s short and to the point.
31344	23	23	22	20	88	Interesting scene, solid dialogue, compelling character dynamic.   Would like to have seen a more original take on the prompt and a little more in terms of visuals but still, good use of dialogue and character.
31353	23	22	22	23	90	An extremely interesting and unique scene, but one that raises more questions than it answers. There is almost a surreal quality to it, and this might throw audiences because when only dealing with a single scene there isn’t time to adjust to such an offbeat world. For example, even on page one when the description reads “the cabinet creaks open and belches out a bag of peanuts,” it’s not clear what that means, nor is it clear when the cabins begin to clap. If given more time we could grow to better appreciate this very cleaver world, but in the context of a lone scene it’s a bit of a distraction. In addition, the dialogue is a little vague. It’s difficult to determine what the characters are trying to say, and the underlying issue could easily be misinterpreted.
31357	22	24	23	23	92	Solid scene.  Great dialogue work.  Really got a lot out there without having to say it literally.  Nice job!  Also really felt the dynamic between the family members.  Scene felt a little long and a bit of an edit would be good but overall, still a very impressive entry.
31360	20	23	24	21	88	Lots of great stuff here.  Fantastic character dynamic, high energy level, lots of good turns along the way.  The concept feels a little familiar but still, you do some good, fresh, original things with it.  The biggest drawback is that the scene runs on longer than it probably should and that high energy level it starts with lessens with each page.  A tighter version would resonate more.  But again, lots of juicy stuff here.
31360	24	23	23	23	93	A fun, well-written scene. There is some great misdirection when we learn these two weren’t just married, but she’s the runaway bride and he’s the groomsmen. However, after this reveal the script looses steam because it’s got nowhere else to go. It might work better if you were able to save that second reveal (that she’s really pregnant) for the very end as one last twist.
31362	23	24	24	23	94	Extremely strong scene!  Great use of dialogue, solid setup, nice escalation of tension before a clever turn in the end.  Very well done!  The one downside would be length, as it felt like it could have been about 10% tighter.  But that's nitpicking.  Overall, this is a very impressive bit of writing.
31369	24	25	25	25	99	This is a great funny scene. The circumstances are excellent for this type of conversation to occur. The situation is a little obvious before hand, and the scene might be a little stronger if the subtext filled in the holes instead of stated the obvious, but it all works great within this context.
31375	24	23	23	23	93	This scene is particularly interesting because subtext is used in almost the opposite way it normally is used. In other words, most scenes utilize subtext during an innocuous conversation when the underlying issue is much more significant than the topic being discussed. Here the characters appear to be squabbling about infidelity, but do so in a casual way where they are using a phony hit man scenario as the subtext. It’s an ambitious idea, but doesn’t quite hit the nail completely on the head because the implied meaning is much less serious and dire than what’s actually being discussed.
31377	20	23	20	22	85	Some interesting dialogue here and a solid character dynamic.  We really feel the history between these two.  Writing style was thicker than Hollywood tends to favor these days and thinning it out considerably would make it read smoother and resonate more.  Also felt that the scene made its point and then continued on a bit too long after that.  Needed another turn in the middle or a shorter overall length.
31378	20	20	20	22	82	A very interesting set of circumstances, but this scene runs very long and is made a little too complicated and confusing. There are a lot of different moving pieces, and a lot of other things going on in the background that distract from the actual conversation. Sam really being a man is a great topic for these two to skirt around, and there is good reason that they wouldn’t come right out and say it so it’s a great time to use subtext. If the conversation was simple and stuck to this topic it might read a little more smoothly.
31379	24	22	22	24	92	A very interesting scene, and a great subject for these two characters to discuss, but you show your hand a little too early. It might work better if Ron never mentions the sex line. Now we know exactly what he’s talking about so there is no real need for subtext. And the dialogue that follows is comprised of puns more than it is subtext. The trick is to start off by have them vaguely mention that work called, and slowly plant clues and hints about the specifics of the job without ever coming out and saying it. Some of the dialogue toward the end of the scene would help to achieve this, but the context needs to be slightly tweaked.
31380	21	23	22	23	89	Solid dialogue, interesting characters, strong setting.  Scene runs a little longer than perhaps it should and a leaner, tighter version, maybe a page shorter, would pop more.  Also felt like it could have ended on a bigger note.
31390	21	23	22	21	87	Good character dynamic.  Really felt the history between Alec and Karen.  Scene would have benefitted from a bit more forward momentum, as it plays out pretty dialogue-heavy.  A few more turns in the second half would have been good.  Even so, nice character work, solid dialogue.
31393	21	21	22	23	87	Interesting character relationship here.  A lot of tension on the page.  Gets off to a slow start but picks up nicely once we start to understand what's going on.  A leaner writing style would resonate more.
31394	24	23	24	23	94	A good idea, and very funny scene. However, it might be too much too soon. James and Erin just go for the jugular and start spitting insults as soon as they get on the air. As a result, the direction becomes predictable and the joke gets old. It might work better to ease into it with a sly comment here that escalates and continues to get worse until the final explosion. Also, there is also no real meaning behind the insults as they just say mean things within the context of the news broadcast. It would make for a stronger scene that worked on multiple levels if the insults both worked within the context of the news program and also told us a little something about their underlying issues, or then just general complaints.
31398	21	24	21	23	89	Strong use of character.  Sharp, punchy dialogue.  An intriging scene and the relationship between Hitch and Tippi plays out nicely.  Feels a little too dialogue heavy going forward though, and would have benefitted from more visual storytelling and more motion.  Even so, a clever take.
31400	25	25	25	25	100	This is an excellent scene. It’s original yet still down to earth. Just odd enough to be intriguing. A great balance. The dialogue is fantastic, and we clearly understand the nature of the argument without the characters coming right out and saying what’s really on their mind.
31401	24	22	23	23	92	Very strong scene.  Great character dynamic -- really felt the history between Amy and Dylan.  Dialogue was solid, though it could have used just a little more pop.  Still, emotional scene with a powerful kick at the end.  Well done!
31407	22	21	22	24	89	Strong setting, nice visuals to open the scene.  Really felt the history between the characters too.  Dialogue could have used a little more pop and as the scene moved onward, it seemed that we needed a little more action or a bigger turn.  It opens bigger than it ends.  Even so, great use of setting and character.
31410	24	23	24	23	94	Simple and straightforward, but pretty good. This is particularly interesting because we think the argument is about something a little more significant than a couch, but it all makes sense at the end. It works, but the dialogue could go a little deeper so maybe the couch is what leads to an argument about other lingering issues. Maybe use subtext to reveal another conflict stemming from this misunderstanding. So even after the couch arrives and the initial argument is resolved, there are now more lingering issues below the surface that have taken its place.
31414	24	22	23	24	93	A very funny scene. A botched robbery at Arby’s is a great original setting for this type of argument to occur. The characters are excellent, but the dialogue gets a bit repetitive. The characters do hint around the true meaning of their conversation, but they do by swapping out “I want the money in the register” for “I want the Big Montana meal.” This isn’t so much subtext as it is a code word. A good way to improve this scene is to go a little deeper. Have the characters engage in more of a personal argument during this robbery attempt that tells us more about their relationship, but without them coming right out and saying it.
31415	23	24	21	23	91	Great take on the scene prompt.  Strong setting, nice use of subtextual dialogue!  Writing style was a little denser than what Hollywood favors these days and it would read better if the dialogue was allowed to flow more, rather than having so much action text between lines.  Also would like to have seen more visuals and/or motion within the scene.  Even so, nice take.
31416	21	21	23	21	86	This scene definitely ends on a sharp beat and the relationship between Barbara and Michael is clearly on the page.  The dialogue would have crackled more though if the secret wasn't being kept, if the audience understood what was going on beneath the words that were spoken.  The more we know that there's something more to it, the more subtext resonates.  But again, some good stuff here and a solid ending.
31419	20	22	24	23	89	Great use of setting!  Solid characterizations and interesting dialogue.  Scene runs long and dense writing style slows things down even further -- a leaner, tighter version of this same scene would resonate more.
31428	21	23	24	24	92	Very strong take.  Loved the setup and the use of imagery, sound, and dialogue in conjunction with one another to set tone and tell a story.  Well done!  Would like to have seen it end on a stronger note though -- it opens bigger than it ends.
31430	24	23	23	23	93	A quirky and mysterious scene. It’s an attention grabber and definitely intriguing. The early use of subtext is good, and it’s easy to pick up on the metaphor. However, once Tempest whispers to Dutch “you mortgaged our future” the entire scene changes. We would never have been able to get this from the subtext. The trick is to try and have the underlying meaning made clear without coming right out and telling us like Tempest does at the end of this scene.
31431	24	22	23	23	92	This is a great way for these two characters to engage in an argument. However, it might work better if we were eased into it so Beth slowly begins to go off book. This would allow the scene to evolve into a more subtle argument. It’s difficult to provide specifics unique to these characters’ situation without coming right out and saying it, but there are some tools you can use. The removal of the engagement ring is a great tool used in this scene to show the end of the relationship. You got the right idea, and this scene is on the right track, but a large portion of the dialogue is too on-the-nose, and would benefit from other forms of communicating so the characters don’t need to be so blunt.
31432	24	22	23	22	91	A good scene, and a great confrontation. The use of subtext is minimal as the discussion is closer to being vague. There is no real underlying meaning as much as the audience just isn’t privy to the entire situation, and the characters aren’t repeating what is already known between them. In addition, the gun is a bit misleading because it hints at a larger issue, and foreshadows violence in a situation that, as we find out later, doesn’t warrant violence.
31435	24	23	21	22	90	Interesting take, nice setup.  Good use of dialogue to keep things moving and sharply intercut with the action under the table.  Didn't feel like we got a great sense of character but the scene itself moves nicely.
31436	21	24	21	23	89	Interesting, original take.  Solid setup and strong dialogue.  Scene could have used a little more energy moving forward though, with more movement and action.  Though things are indeed happening here, it really feels like the dialogue overpowers the actions and visuals.  Even so, nice bit of writing.
31438	22	23	20	23	88	Interesting take, solid dialogue writing.  Lots of subtext here.  Scene itself and dialogue ran a little long, and the visuals topped out at the beginning.  Would have been nice to see something bigger at the end, and a leaner, shorter scene would have probably resonated more.  Even so, solid writing, nice work.
31439	24	21	22	23	90	A great hectic circumstance and the light horror-comedy tone make this a great setting for this scene. Even though the banter is funny, there is no real subtext. There is no underlying meaning to the conversation. The characters say exactly what they mean, and there doesn’t appear to be any previous issues lingering between these two characters. This scene can pretty much be taken at face value without any real hidden meaning.
31440	23	21	22	24	90	Very clever, interesting take.  Kudos for originality here.  Also really liked the runner with the movie trailer intros -- nice bit of comedy writing there.  A leaner writing style would have made the script read smoother but overall, a solid entry.
31444	24	22	22	22	90	This scene in the headmaster’s offices makes for a clear confrontation and a great tense standoff. However, there is a bit of confusion. It appears like the characters use biscuits as a code word for drugs or cigarettes, but it isn’t quite clear because the boys do emerge from the pantry covered in flour. It’s also possible they were making out or having sex in the panty. We have no way of really knowing because the dialogue is more code than subtext. You’re on the right track, but this scene is just missing a few key elements that would help bring it all together, and make the underlying meaning clear.
31446	24	21	22	23	90	A unique venue for these two characters to have this conversation, but the playful banter comes off as being in direct contrast with the seriousness of this life and death situation. For this kind of light-hearted dialogue to work, it might be better to create a less authentic military scenario in order to keep the tone consistent. In addition, the nature of their conversation is almost too vague. The subtext and underlying meaning, or what the characters are specifically at odds over, is not entirely clear.
31447	24	24	25	24	97	Very funny. It’s the humor that makes this scene great. The banter is excellent between these two characters. However, at times it feels like you’re trying to cram too much into such a short few pages. There are a lot of different things going on, and it might work better if simplified and spaced out, but overall it’s a well-written scene.
31448	25	25	25	25	100	Hilarious! The situation is original and very funny. The characters are great, and the conflict is obviously clear. There is an excellent use of subtext, though it’s occasionally closer to being sarcasm than subtext, but it’s all done exceptionally well. What could improve this scene is if the characters were more specific in their insults, and focused on a lingering personal issue, but that doesn’t change the fact it works great as written.
31449	24	23	22	23	92	A great idea that slowly evolves into a very good scene, but it starts too early. The little preface that is Jared and Samantha’s conversation before Danny arrives tells us everything we need to know. For the purposes of this scene, it should start when Danny arrives at the table. The use of subtext from this point on is good, but it should be this conversation alone that clues us in on the situation, and the nature of the conflict, not the mini-explanation that opens the scene. If subtext is effectively used, the opening explanation is unnecessary.
31451	24	24	24	24	96	The idea works great. This is the perfect opportunity to utilize subtext. The characters have their issue out without mentioning the problem. They realistically can’t talk about specifics because they are on television. In this case, the subtext is laid on a little heavy, and the characters take it to the next level when it might be more powerful if scaled back. The reader will understand the situation very quick, so a more subtle approach might make for a stronger scene.
31452	23	23	22	23	91	The neutering of the dog makes for an excellent metaphor, and the operating room is a great venue for this argument to occur. Debbie gives a step-by-step narration of the process as a clear tool to intimidate Matt. It does work, but this reads more like a scare tactic than a conversation about their relationship. We don’t learn anything in the dialogue about why they are fighting. We learn about how neutering a male dog helps to quell sexual urges, but this is more of a generalized topic summarizing her anger toward Matt, and not anything specific about their relationship.
31453	24	21	23	23	91	Interesting circumstances, and a great conversation for this couple to have during sex. However, there is no real subtext to the conversation. The characters say exactly what they mean. This scenario might work better if Samantha were to hint at Peter having an affair while they were having sex without her coming right out and talking about. The trick is for us to know what they are talking about without them saying it. Everything else is great, and the reveal is fantastic, but for the purposes of this scene, the dialogue is too on-the-nose.
31454	23	22	22	24	91	An original and slightly bizarre idea that does work, but is tough to pull off effectively in such a short scene because it takes a while for the reader to adapt to the odd subject matter.  The idea of a marriage clock that counts down the time until the average American divorce is funny, but obviously not practical. It comes off as more of a gimmick that ultimately takes attention away from the characters. As a result, we never really understand why Janet is leaving Ted. If Janet’s dialogue better utilized subtext to hint at these issues, this would be a much stronger scene.
31455	22	23	22	23	90	A quirky little scene with a nice offbeat tone. The scene finally hits its stride toward the end when we see that Maria has an agenda. It might work better if their conversation began with Maria dropping these hints through subtext about her true intentions. As written, it feels like the majority of the scene is setup used to show us exactly what George does. Maria’s issues don’t begin to surface until the end, and she changes very quickly from shy supporter of her husband to aggressive businesswoman taking control. How does George react to Maria’s plan? That’s the real conflict, but instead of being the focus of the scene, it’s the button.
31457	24	23	23	24	94	A really unique scenario with very good characters who we get instantaneously. However, there isn’t much left to be figured out because the issue becomes clear very early on. From about page 3 on, the dialogue is more functional. It addresses the practical aspects of how to fix what’s happened instead of using subtext to reveal how they ended up in this situation, or what’s going on between these two characters that we don’t yet know.
31458	24	22	22	22	90	Great action and a good job of creating believable tension and suspense in such a short amount of time. The rapport and banter between the two characters is solid, but the true nature of their argument is slightly confusing. The specifics of this situation, and where all the various pieces fit (our two characters, the terrorists, the FBI and the CIA), can be easily misinterpreted. There is a lot going on, and everyone’s role is not made entirely clear.
31462	25	24	25	25	99	Really well-written and fun. Good action, well paced, and gripping. The dialogue is very strong, and we clearly understand the history between these two characters by witnessing Rachel’s feelings of betrayal. A little more could be done with the dialogue to paint a more specific picture or give more of an indication as to the nature of what happened. A similar comment can be made about the ending. The misdirection is good, but a story twist or some reversal might help the ending stand out the same way the beginning does. That aside, it still works great as written.
31465	23	24	25	25	97	At first the dialogue comes off as innocuous and vague, but the reveal that this is a robbery and the child isn’t theirs suddenly brings an entirely different meaning to their previous conversation. The issue between Karen and Paul is made clear, but the dialogue could go a little deeper so we get a better feel of where these two are coming from and what drove them (or at least Karen) to this situation.
31467	24	23	24	23	94	Well-written and engaging, but also every ambiguous. The nature of Ben and Lucy’s argument is made clear through the subtext, but the scene still leaves a lot left for interpretation. The reader could come to any number of conclusions about what’s really going on, particularly when Woody shows up at the end. It’s a strong scene, but could be stronger if the audience were given more of a chance to get their narrative bearings.
31468	24	23	23	23	93	A good scene and a good use of subtext. It’s made clear that Summer and Teddy are involved and have some kind of issue, but that’s about all we get. It’s not clear what they’re mad at. They describe the porn movies to the Skeevy Nerd, but are really making fun of each other. However, the individual insults feel more random than calculated jabs with a deeper meaning so it feels like they are simply trading body blows for the entire scene without either making any progress.
31469	24	22	22	22	90	The subject matter makes for a good topic because there are a lot of ways to dance around what is really being discussed. However, it becomes clear very early that Wally is a killer who just took someone’s life. The way they compare murder to art and painting is on the right track, but doesn’t quite hit the mark. A more effective use of subtext would have the characters discuss painting and art without us knowing that Wally is a killer. We should then slowly realize what they really mean by interpreting the subtext as the conversation progresses. They should never have to come out and say they killed someone, and we don’t necessarily need to see it visually either. It’s the meaning behind the words that should make the point clear.
31470	24	21	22	23	90	A good quirky story with a pair of unique characters. However, this scene begins a little too early because we see what pushes Richard over the edge. The scene would be stronger if we were forced to figure out what happened by only seeing his reaction after the fact. In addition, this isn’t an issue that the characters have with each other. It’s an outside factor that spurs the conflict so it doesn’t feel like a two-sided argument as much as it does a one-sided complaint.
31471	20	23	21	23	87	This dunes/beach sequence has some unique characters and a compelling dynamic between Rip and Jono, in particular.  The formatting could use some work.  The dialogue blocks are too wide, the scene headings need to be capitalized, and the use of bold and underline is unnecessary.  Overall, an interesting, unique scene with some authentic voices and strong dialogue.  Good work!
31474	24	22	22	22	90	A good subject to base an argument around, but the opening scene gives too much away. It would work better if we found out Steve’s plan as Missy does, and it was revealed through subtext instead of him simply commenting on a similar murder being described on television. Perhaps, he lets Missy (and us) know that he knows without coming right out and saying it. As soon as we see the video of the guy kissing Missy outside the house, we already know the issue. The conversation focuses more on Steve explaining how he committed both murders when for the purposes of this scene, the revelation of why would make for a stronger moment.
31475	24	22	22	23	91	It definitely scores high for shock value. Having a man tied up in the basement is not a twist many will see coming. However, part of the reason is because it doesn’t fit these two fifty-something characters. The scene comes off as slightly misleading, and the action hinges more on the oddness of the unexpected reveal than the lingering issue between the two characters.
31477	24	23	24	25	96	These are two fascinating characters, who we meet in the middle of a very odd situation. The dialogue is great. It’s quick, witty and to the point. However, under these circumstances, they aren’t really at odds with each as much as they are at odds with the situation. They aren’t arguing, but reflecting.
31480	24	23	24	25	96	Very quirky and original with a great offbeat humorous tone. It’s really funny, but it’s also really weird. The conversation between the husband and wife is great, but they pretty much say what they mean. It’s just that it’s so odd that it takes us a little while to realize what exactly just happened to these people.
31481	23	22	22	22	89	A great setting for this type of argument, and these characters are perfect for comedy. However, it takes a while to pinpoint the tone, and it’s not quite clear what exactly the issue is between Brewster and Stu. It’s hard to tell if they’re even mad, or just having a harmless argument. Most of the attention is given to the homosexual innuendo, and this is where the majority of the humor derives from. It does work, but might be better in small doses because it is laid on extremely thick.
31482	24	25	25	24	98	A very patient scene that unfolds slowly. What’s particularly good about the dialogue is that the characters say a lot with a little. The contained setting and the little action that does occur compliments the story extremely well. The cold weather, the broken down car, and the eventual distance between the two characters when Bill walks off at the end are great visuals that speak volumes about this relationship.
31483	20	20	22	22	84	The surreal opening is a great original hook, but the action that follows is a bit confusing and difficult to follow. The connection between the two scenes isn’t entirely clear. The conversation that unfolds at the dinner table is more one-sided and vague so there isn’t really a chance to utilize subtext, or cut to the core of the issue that’s come between these two characters.
31484	21	22	22	24	89	A funny situation and a great opportunity for dark comedy. The bickering is good, but often the action description attempts to hold the reader’s hand, and guide them through the subtleties that should be clear enough in the dialogue alone. The joke might be funnier if these characters weren’t so self aware of the absurdity of what they were doing. It’s great how Lauren uses this situation as an opportunity to call out Matt for other relationship issues, but instead of Matt getting defensive and pointing out the reality of what happened and what they were doing, his defense should be as equally absurd. Instead, this reads like it has one foot in reality and one foot in absurd territory when it should pick a direction and go all the way.
31486	22	22	21	21	86	Zombies are popular, and this is a pretty good idea for a single scene. However, this subject matter is usually either treated as a horror, a comedy, or both. This scene is more of a realistic down-the-middle conversation that doesn’t resemble either genre. Given the absurd nature of the premise, this conversation might work better if it took on more of a comic tone. As written, the dialogue becomes redundant and the situation becomes clear very early on so there is no real mystery as to how this will end. Comedy would be a good way to add another dimension to the conversation, and have it work on more than one level.
31489	23	22	22	22	89	A good setting for this type of squabble to occur, but it takes a long time to figure out the nature of this scene because there are a lot of distractions in this room that don’t end up being relevant to the story. The nature of the argument is solid, but this isn’t so much subtext as it is the characters referring to drug use as tap dancing when in public in order to hide the nature of the discussion from those in the waiting room. The idea is good, but in this case it feels more like a code word than a discussion with an underlying meaning.
31490	24	23	22	24	93	A very clever scenario, and a unique pairing of the real life playwright and the character from his most famous play. There is a good use of subtext by Lysistrata who chastises Aristophanes without revealing his true identity to the group. However, it can only go so far because it doesn’t appear like these characters even know each other. Their argument is based on reputation and interpretation, not personal issues. It’s a good idea, but one that is limited in this context because there isn’t enough time in a single scene to encapsulate their varied individual opinions which, in this case, serve as the crux of their disagreement.
31492	23	22	23	23	91	The subject and the discussion revolving around the dog toy are both fantastic. This is a great topic for them to discuss and it works as a perfect analogy for their marriage. However, there are a lot of other things going on and it takes a long time to get to this conversation. It might work better if there were less set up, and the story relied more on this conversation to reveal the real issue between this couple.
31492	23	24	23	24	94	An interesting situation with great characters who go against the grain. Solid use of subtext. However, the characters do get a little carried away, and it becomes obvious Joey and Phil are talking about each other when interrogating Gino. The idea is spot on, but would benefit from a little more subtlety.
31494	24	22	23	25	94	Very funny and original. The dialogue is good, but there is no real conflict, or underlying issue they are at odds over. They are pretty much in agreement, and have a normal discussion about their children. What’s odd are the circumstances, not so much the characters or what they are discussing.
31497	24	25	25	25	99	Wow! A light-hearted fantasy action scene is not easy to pull off, but this works great. The subtext is excellent and so is the action. The subtle humor is perfect, and without it none of this would come together. We never find out exactly what it is that has come between these two characters, but that's not a major issue. The scene is original, it’s funny, and it’s entertaining.
31498	24	24	25	24	97	An interesting scenario that’s written in a unique tone that really helps create a stylized scene. The dialogue pops, and even the over-the-top banter plays into the tone so it works exceptionally well. The subtext is heavy at times, but overall it’s a well-written and entertaining scene that hits the nail on the head.
31500	24	25	24	24	97	A great scene. Excellent use of subtext. The tension remains high throughout. The innuendo is laid on a little thick at times, but it does work. The use of four characters makes for an interesting choice and great way to open up this scene so the subtle attacks can come from multiple directions. It will take a little while for the audience to get their bearings as to who’s-who, but once the family dynamic becomes clear the scene flows very well.
31501	24	23	23	22	92	This is a solid, well-written scene. This is a very good use of subtext, and the situation is made clear without coming right out and saying what the real issue is between these two. However, we don’t know exactly what the issue is, but that isn’t that big of a deal in this context so it does work. What’s missing is that “big” moment where everything comes to a head. The scene almost ends too peacefully, and could easily leave the audience wanting to see more fireworks.  Shirley ends the conversation on a harsh note, but overall it feels more playful than serious. It feels like the worst is yet to come, and for this scene to really hit the nail on the head we should see that rock bottom moment.
31502	24	22	22	24	92	A very original and unique world. The characters are great and it’s definitely an attention grabber. The dialogue does pop, but it’s too vague. It’s not entirely clear what the underlying issue really is, and the conversation could easily be misinterpreted and viewed as being too weird. At the end of the scene, more questions are raised than answered, which would be good if this wasn’t a stand-alone scene. It would work better if the audience was left with more understanding of what really just happened.
31503	24	22	21	22	89	There is some interesting use of subtext, and this is a great subject for these types of characters to address. However, this is more of a one-sided conversation that might work better with a less ambiguous conclusion and more obvious conflict. It all comes off very causal, and there is nothing at stake so the conflict is minimal.
31506	24	22	23	23	92	A fantastic situation. This getaway scenario makes for a great odd set of circumstances. However, this might work better as an opening scene than a stand-alone scene because it ends with us wanting to know more than it does answer questions about what happened. It’s well-written, but the dialogue doesn’t utilize subtext as much as it provides hints about what just happened.
31508	24	21	22	21	88	A great set up for this type of conversation where the husband knows the wife is cheating. However, this isn’t exactly subtext as much as it is the characters having an innocuous conversation where the husband knows the wife is lying. There is no underlying meaning, and Adam’s actions might work better within the context of the story if they were a little more subtle. If we didn’t know whether or not he was aware that his wife was cheating, this might work better to build suspense. It would also be a great opportunity to utilize subtext, and force Eve to read between the lines to interpret what Adam really means.
31509	20	20	20	20	80	It feels like you started this scene too early because it begins to get interesting right at the very end. There isn’t any conflict until the end. There is also a perfect opportunity to utilize subtext when Rachel begins to take notes during her parent’s argument, but the scene ends and we don’t see it. This would force them to hide the true meaning behind their dialogue. What unfolds in the next five pages would be the more interesting scene.
31510	24	22	22	22	90	A well-written and interesting exchange, but their conversation feels more like small talk than revealing subtext that tells us about their situation. We don’t get much from the exchange other than there is a lingering issue.
31511	24	19	20	20	83	The delivery room is a very unique setting for an argument to unfold, but very hard to make believable because of the circumstances. It’s also hard to utilize subtext in this situation which is why the argument itself is pretty straight forward. It’s an indication they have other issues, but they still say what they mean.
31512	23	19	20	21	83	It’s an ambitious and pretty clever idea to try and have this conversation occur over text message. However, the passages are long and rambling. Jake is saying exactly what he means, and often reiterates this when talking to himself. Normally less is more when it comes to dialogue like this, but since the scene is contained and there is little physical action this is extremely difficult to pull off.
31513	24	22	22	22	90	This gets off to a great start, and there is a great hook with excellent dialogue, but then Stacy explains everything thoroughly in one expository passage. Try to reveal it slowly. In addition, the action ends up being a misleading because of the character’s initial reaction. In the end it feels a bit off that Peter would be so nonchalant, and Stacy so dramatic when talking about the same topic.
31514	22	20	21	21	84	It’s a fascinating subject matter, and the makings of two interesting characters but the circumstances and the true nature of their discussion is slightly confusing. One reason is because these are such unusual characters with unusual habits who are so far removed from reality that we don’t understand them. In this case, it would be worthwhile to be a little more specific in order to help the audience better understand where these two very unusual characters are really coming from, and what they are really talking about.
31516	22	21	20	22	85	It’s a great idea to have this conversation unfold between a priest and a nun, but the addition of the exorcism immediately raises the stakes so the nature of their relationship and their argument feels unimportant under these circumstances. Having Alice able to see what troubles these characters is a good idea, and this also makes for a great opportunity for Carol to prove her feelings for Bob, but the inclusion of something as intense as an exorcism immediately overshadows the characters and their problems.
31518	25	23	23	23	94	Very funny, and this is a great use of subtext. However, it isn’t entirely natural because David forces his way into the conversation and interjects his opinion. In this situation it might work better if David was the employee and was asked his opinion, or better yet, both David and June work in the shop so they can argue back and forth. David also goes a bit overboard and rambles. This might be a case where less is more when it comes to the dialogue because he beats his point into the ground.
31523	24	22	22	23	91	Having an argument like this unfold during an acting performance is a great idea, but hard to pull off effectively in a single scene because you don't have the time to give the audience the necessary frame of reference. Instead of truly utilizing subtext, the characters simply go off book which doesn't quite have the same impact because we have to be told they are going off book. This would work great if we were able to see the true performance and then see it again when they slightly change the lines to reflect the point of their offstage argument.
31525	21	22	17	21	81	An interesting concept here and some interesting dialogue, which does a lot to help us understand Mickey and Jack.  There's a bit too much left in the scene description though that's not translatable visually, such as the final paragraph.  Remember, the audience won't have the luxury of reading the script.
31526	24	22	24	25	95	This is a great tense situation, and a very original setting. Normally this would be an excellent use of subtext, but given the severity of the situation it comes off as unnatural and unrealistic. It's hard to believe they would be dancing around the real issue right after an accident.
31527	22	21	23	23	89	"I wanna hold your hand" has a fun premise with some nice imagery and a good sense of pacing.  It could probably use more emphasis on back-story because I wanted to know how this zombie apocalypse was Curtis's doing and why they don't harm him.  Where does this fit in his series of schemes, and what has led up to this?  It seems like a third beat of potential danger would also help complete the set.  Otherwise, good work!
31528	22	23	23	24	92	This planetarium scene has a creative style and some quirky dialogue.  I'd love to see more specific details in the imagery of these ghosts that chase them because supernatural apparitions tend to vary based on readers' interpretations.  Also, be careful of back-story in exposition - we can see a dead body and assume it's not news based on Charlie's reaction, but we shouldn't be told about what happened in the past within the action/description.  Could use a good proofreading for typos, but otherwise, this is a fun scene.  Good work!
31529	24	22	21	22	89	This hospital scene has a good sense of pacing and a fun dynamic between Ronaldo and Samantha.  For a parody scene I think it could use some more specific references and jokes.  The technical aspects are strong and it tells a clear story, but I think the humor could heighten better with a more structured focus on separate beats of action.  Overall, good work!
31531	22	24	21	22	89	This house scene has a strong relationship between Claire and Daniel, and I really like the subtext in their conversation about terminating Bandit, the dog.  The scene could use more of a focus on incorporating action and imagery to push the plot forward, and more emphasis on the back-story of Daniel's schemes would probably help.  Overall, nice work!
31532	21	22	23	22	88	This countryside scene has a unique setting and some interesting imagery (like the 200 lambs that come out of nowhere).  The formatting could use some work; a good rule of thumb is to limit action/description paragraphs to 4 lines or less.  Also, I think there's more room to develop some back-story for this conflict.  Overall, an interesting take on the prompt.  Good work!
31538	22	23	23	22	90	This garden metaphor scene has some unique characters and a great sense of subtext.  I'd like to see a little more interation between Georgia and Derek in order to develop that chemistry before Phil arrives.  I think Phil might be a little too disengaged to build the tension during their gardening conversation.  Overall, a fun scene.
31542	21	22	23	23	89	This space capsule scene has a fun style and a good sense of tension.  It could use some proofreading, and there seems to be a line of dialogue that's formatted like action/description on page 3.  Could use a little more focus on the back-story involving Major Tom's transgression.  I think the references can be a little heavy handed, but they're still fun.  Overall, good work!
31544	24	23	24	23	94	This magician scene has a lot of fun imagery and a good sense of tension.  I'd love to see the dialogue continue as they perform their show because it feels like their relationship stops developing once they're on stage.  Unique characters and a nice attention to detail really bring the scene to life.  Nice work!
31545	23	24	22	21	90	This jailhouse scene has some some unique characters and strong, authentic voices.  The subtext feels a little unclear early on, so more exposition about the history of their relationship seems like it might help.  Otherwise, nice use of visuals and good pacing throughout.  Nice work!
31546	21	22	22	22	87	This monster scene has a good sense of danger and strong pacing.  The tension might be higher if you focus more on the relationship between Shannon and Pete because right now they feel more like colleagues or rivals than love interests.  We don't have much sense of a romantic history between them, and filling in the gaps in that relationship might help develop the conflict of this situation better.    Overall, an entertaining scene.  Good work!
31548	21	23	23	23	90	This interview scene has a really fun premise and a good sense of tension between Jay and Martin.  It  ends a bit abruptly, and I think there's plenty of more room for development if we explore the issues of how Martin wants to pursue this situation.  It might help to fill in more back-story details like how they met or what their romantic encounter was like.  It seems like flowers and chocolates is less dramatic than it could be if these two had actually been together in person when they stumbled into their peculiar entanglement.  Overall, good work!
31559	21	23	22	22	88	This ballroom scene has some good descriptions and a fun ending.  Make sure to introduce your characters the first times they appear with CAPS in your action/description lines.  Also, use commas of address before and after the names of people being spoken to in dialogue (like "and where's home, dear?")  The overall scene is a bit busy, so we could probalby use more emphasis on Cad and Katherine's relationship before engaging with all of the rich people (because their personalities change from private to public modes, and this makes it tougher to gauge the subtext of their conversation).  Overall, good work!
31564	22	23	22	22	89	This blackjack scene has some fun action, and it does a good job describing the events of the game.  James seems a little bland, and we don't get much information about who he is, where he comes from, or what kind of personality he has.  So I'd like to focus more on his reactions and the emotions he brings to the table in order to better understand the nature of his relationship with Faith.  Overall, a nice scene!
31565	22	24	24	24	94	This Disneyland scene has a really fun comedic game and a playful tone.  It's got a very creative use of subtext, and I really like the small touches like the cast members swooping in so quickly with replacement balloons.  It could use a good proofreading (your/you're typos and some possessive noun errors), but overall the story and style are strong.  Good work!
31577	22	23	22	22	89	This bankrobbery scene has a fun, playful tone and some quirky moments.  I really like when Helen makes her snarky remarks early on.  I think there's more room to develop the comedy if you explore other bankrobbery conventions (guards trying to be heroes, getting into the vault, exploding dye packs on the money, etc.), and I think it could use a clearer "a ha!" moment to show when Helen realizes that it's her husband.  Overall, a fun scene!
31580	23	22	22	22	89	This hospital scene has an interesting main character in Mrs. Lyon because we can barely see the human underneath all her bandages.  I like the food metaphors that describe the nature of her relationship with Wayne.  I was a little confused why Dr. Freeman was so keen on Mrs. Lyon, so I didn't really understand the ending, and I think keeping the focus on her relationship with Wayne might work better.  Overall, good work!
31581	23	22	22	22	89	This subway scene has some nice attention to detail, and I like Rudy and Ruby as a complementary pair of characters.  It makes good use of the setting as the closing doors provide a nice physical and symbolic barrier at the end.  I think the reactions of the onlookers is a little unbelievable, and I'd like to see a bit more emphasis on these characters' back-stories to show how they've gotten to this point and what kind of pattern of schemes Rudy is running.  Overall, a strong scene!
31585	22	21	22	22	87	This warehouse scene makes good use of the atmosphere and has strong attention to detail.  I'd like to see more focus on the depth of characters as it's kind of tough to understand the relationship between the Man and Woman of this scene.  Giving more exposition about the back-story of who they are and how they got here might help.  Overall, an interesting scene with a strong climax.  Good work!
31586	23	24	22	22	91	This FBI raid scene has a fun sense of subtext, and a nice use of descriptions and pacing.  The scene might be more exciting or dramatic if the stakes were higher, so it'd probably be good to know what exactly the investigators might find or what Sam and Lauren are trying to hide.  Obviously this is more like a tax evasion raid rather than a drug bust, but they could still have a secret stash of documents that Lauren would need to protect or hide.  Overall, good work!
31588	20	23	22	22	87	This wedding scene has a good sense of tension and nice use of subtext.  Peter seems like a sympathetic protagonist and his effort to continue the ceremony provides a good internal struggle.  Some formatting errors could use fixing, so make sure to introduce characters with CAPS, proofread for misused words (like your/you're) and use commas of address before and after the names of people being spoken to in dialogue (like "is everything alright, dear?").  Overall, good work!
31590	23	22	23	22	90	This graduation scene has a dark tone and a good sense of tension between Daniel and Nina.  Nina may be a bit too overt with her pointed remarks, and I think playing with the moments of near-reconciliation, like when they hold hands after Katie is announced, might help give the scene some more give-and-take.  Otherwise, it's a strong scene with nice symbolism and subtext.  Good work!
31608	22	20	22	22	86	This pep rally scene makes good use of visuals as Duncan keeps getting dunked in the tank.  While the twist provides for more dunking opportunities, I think the stakes actually get a bit lower because Duncan's punishment should be less intense each time he goes down.  Once he gets wet, he's wet, right?  I'd like to see more emphasis on dialogue and a different kind of twist that might make Duncan's situation more painful or severe.  Overall, good work!
31610	21	21	22	22	86	This restaurant scene makes good use of setting and pacing as the bells ring leading up to midnight.  The scene may be too complicated because it's hard to get an exact sense of who the characters are, so I'd rather see more emphasis go toward establishing some back-story rather than setting the scene with the charades and word jumble up top.  Otherwise, it's a fun and unique scene.  Nice work!
31616	21	23	23	23	90	This cooking show scene has a fun premise and a nice sense of tension between Janice and Kevin.  I think it may take too long to set up, so I'd like to see a quicker introduction so that Janice and Kevin can have more room to develop their tension and explore the subtext of their conflict during the show's taping.  Right now, the whole conflict lasts about a minute, but that feels like the core of the scene and the most interesting part.  Otherwise, strong dialogue and a good sense of atmophere.  Nice work!
31617	23	23	23	22	91	This kitchen scene has a good attention to detail and some sharp dialogue - I especially like Kendra's "When you fail to plan, you plan to fail" line.  It could use some emphasis on dramatic stakes because the argument doesn't seem to have many clear implications for their overall lives.  It seems like an unhealthy relationship, but who are they and why should it matter if they stay together or not?  Putting more focus toward making Dave likeable or providing more back-story early on might help.  Overall, a strong scene.  Good work!
31620	22	23	22	21	88	This motel scene has a good attention to detail and some nice descriptions.  I'd like to see more emphasis on the romantic tension between Samantha and Levi.  It seems like the scene focuses too much on external plot events and not enough on the relationship at its core.  Ultimately it leaves us wanting more information (who is the boss, where was the kid, has Levi always been a criminal, etc.).  So it could use more substance to tell a full story, but it has some nice mechanics and good dialogue and action within the scene.  Nice work!
31621	23	24	23	22	92	This grocery store scene has some good tension between Kevin and Maggie.  It'd be nice to use an extended metaphor with some item - the "expired" date on the milk is appropriate but only functions on one level.  I think Kevin and the checkout girl come off as carricatures, and I wonder why Maggie was with Kevin in the first place.  More back-story about who Kevin used to be or what made him quit his job and pursue music might help.  Kate's presence works really well in the scene.  Overall, good work!
31622	21	22	23	22	88	This flower shop scene has a dark tone and some ominous imagery.  I'd like to see more parallels between Pete and the Handsome Patron.  Are they alike in any way?  Is the Handsome Patron better than Pete in some clear, specific way?  Their relationship is all about the Handsome Patron being the guy that Pete wants to be, so you may want to explore this a bit more through dialogue.  Let them talk more about Emily (or the flowers for her) before Pete discovers that they're talking about the same woman so that subtext can build up more.  Overall, a nice premise and an interesting scene.  Good work!
31623	23	22	23	22	90	This skydiving scene has a fun sense of playfulness and a good tone.  I like the subtext behind their conversation once Jeff and Michelle start arguing, and the "altitude sickness" line is really funny.  I feel like we could probably use more back-story about these two characters and their relationship so we'd know WHY Michelle is so pissed that her fiance had been engaged once before.  Is his old fiancee still a friend?  Has he straight-up lied to her and said he only dated this other woman and it wasn't that serious when they were actually engaged, or is it just that she doesn't like finding out this way?  It's not totally clear, so expanding their conversation before the door opens would probably help.  Overall, a fun scene.  Good work!
31624	22	23	23	22	90	This shoplifiting surveilance scene has a fun tone and some quirky dialogue.  Including Seth as a clueless bystander really helps to make the subtext more enjoyable because it's not just two people using a clear metaphor to argue about their relationship.  I'd recommend a careful proofreading for misused words (affection/affectionate, who's/whose, etc.).  Also, I think it'd be good to see the squad actually go after someone - why not let them pounce on the couple (against Zack's wishes) so that when they find out they've made a mistake and falsely accused them, Zack can make his plea then.  It feels like we could use more action.  In any case, this is a fun scene.  Good work!
31637	21	22	23	23	89	This operation scene has some really unique, interesting imagery, and I like the way the skeleton is incorporated into the end.  I'd like to see more emphasis given to the subtext of Yuri's conversation with Mary.  It feels a little disjointed going so quickly from out in the cab to the surgery to the aftermath of the failed surgery, so it might work better to set the whole scene in the operation room with his only conversation with Mary coming over the phone.  Overall, this was a unique and fun scene.  Good work!
31638	23	23	23	22	91	This music sales pitch scene has a really fun dynamic between Johnny and the Colonel.  It gets a little busy between all the movement from one room to another, and it's hard to tell if Candy is pregnant, bulemic, hungover, or just sick from the context.  The tension between Johnny and Candy is a little underdeveloped, and I'd love to get more information about them and their relationship before they go into the house so we can have a better idea of what they're REALLY talking about during the Bob Marley conversation.  Overall, a fun scene with some witty exchanges.  Good work!
31649	21	22	22	24	89	This celestial romance piece has some very unique, interesting elements and a fun sense of play.  The mime provides a nice device for comic relief, and the subtext of Vesna's conversation with Sean works well.  It feels like the story could use some sense of back-story or context to explain who Harmonia and Vesna are and what role they play in human affairs.  It gets a little complicated going over the span of several weeks, so it might be best to focus on a single scene or two and then use exposition to reveal important information about things tha have happened in the past.  Overall, an interesting, unique scene.  Good work!
31658	23	23	22	22	90	I like the subtext in this Central Park scene.  The relationship between Jay and Shelly works well, and their conversation reveals their emotions well.  It might help to include more exposition to provide back-story about how long Jay and Shelly have known each other so we can really understand where he's coming from when he says he's "tired of playing games."  Overall,  this is a fun, interesting scene.  Good work!
31670	24	24	24	23	95	This Japanese restaurant scene has a really nice sense of subtext and a strong dynamic between Mai and Logan.  The dialogue does a great job conveying emotion in clear, yet deliberate ways, and the overall scene has feeling of cleverness and a good sense of style.  Good work!
31673	21	22	22	22	87	This house scene has some good tension between Glen and the sisters.  The tone works well, and I the dialogue is smooth throughout.  There are some formatting issues with margins and dialogue presentation that you may want to address.  Also, I think there is more room to develop back-story.  Overall, it's an interesting, engaging scene.  Good work!
31680	23	23	22	22	90	This café/apartment scene has some nice dialogue and a good sense of subtext in the conversation between Bob and Janet.  I'd like to see more emphasis on their back-story so we can understand more about Bob's screwup.  Is his encounter with Tony the result of a gambling debt or some other shady dealing?  It's a little hard to tell with the limited space we get, and Janet's reserved demeanor throughout the scene may take away from us being able to fully embrace and explore the tension between them.  Overall, good work!
31683	23	23	22	22	90	This corporate suite scene has some good imagery and a nice sense of tension between Alex and Janie.  I'd like to get more exposition early on about what is at stake in the transaction.  Exactly what consequences might come with failure?  Overall, it's a strong scene with good dialogue.  Nice work!
31684	1	1	1	1	4	This file is only a title page - there is no scene attached.  Please contact contest management with any concerns.
31687	21	23	23	22	89	This bridge scene has some fun dialogue and a quirky sense of humor.  I like the scoring system Marty employs to keep track of his interaction with Sarah.  I think the scene could use more specific exposition - what did Marty and Bob do back in town?  Also, it's a risky move to write scenes that talk about uinque and interesting things (in this case Bob, the alien) without actually showing them in any way.  Overall, a fun scene with a nice, playful tone.  Good work!
31689	22	23	23	22	90	This zombie scene has a fun tone and a quirk sense of humor.  It has room for development, and I'd like to see more use of props and more dialogue in order to develop the situation more before Drake has to come clean and make his confession.  Overall, good work!
31691	20	23	21	21	85	Some very interesting dialogue and character work here, though the scene could have used a bit more in terms of action, visuals, and movement in order to feel cinematic.    Also, the scene takes a little while to get moving, so tightening up the first two pages would help as well.  But again, nice dialogue and character work here!
31696	24	24	23	23	94	This prostitution scene has some good pacing, strong dialogue, and a quirky sense of humor.  I love Stan's "I drive a school bus" line.  Daddy's scheme is funny and unexpected, and the whole scene has a very unique feel.  More subtext would be good, but otherwise, this is a fun piece.  Nice work!
31697	23	23	23	22	91	This construction site scene makes good use of setting, and it has a couple of characters with unique, authentic voices.  I like the subtext of Florence's argument with Howard, and the tension builds up nicely toward the end.  Also, the back-story reference to the ostrich farm is a good way to establish their ongoing dynamic.  Overall, a strong scene.  Nice work!
31698	24	23	22	22	91	This miniature golf scene has a fun setting and makes good use of its visuals.  I like Warren and Mae as the older couple, and they have some fun dialogue.  I think the conflict is a little vague, though.  It could probably benefit from more back-story or exposition so we can understand Paula's sniping remarks for how she actually intends them.  Overall, good work!
31701	22	23	22	23	90	This confession scene has a good sense of subtext once Father Devanney starts speaking with Jenny.  I like the hostility she conveys, and the possible dramatic consequences seem pretty clear by the end of the scene.  It might help to escalate the stakes a bit if we know who else might be around or how Jenny might resort to blackmail (immediately) if her demands aren't met.  There's still room for development, so I'd recommend expanding the conversation and including more back-story.  Overall, good work!
31702	23	22	24	22	91	This cocktail lounge scene has a good sense of style and some strong descriptions.  I'd like to get more exposition to clarify exactly who Basra and Boston are and what relationship they have with each other, so some emphasis on back-story might help.  Overall, a strong scene with good pacing and clear tension.  Nice work!
31703	23	23	23	24	93	This funeral home scene has a very interesting premise, and I really like the descriptions that show how Jack is really alive inside the coffin.  The back-story surrounding this situation could use a little fleshing out, but it's a strong scene with good pacing and effective dialogue.  Good work!
31704	21	23	23	22	89	This car/bar scene has some good dialogue and a fun dynamic between James and Sammy.  I like Sammy's personality and her use of glasses only after she's driving.  The formatting could use some attention (make sure to end dialogue blocks with punctuation), and it'd help to incorporate some more visuals into the car scene.  Overall, it's a nice piece with some fun characters and a good sense of pacing.  Well done!
31705	22	21	23	21	87	This is a well-written scene that just never seems to take off the way we crave.  Description and characters are great and the opening setting engages us with the obvious tension of running an illegal counterfeiting operation, but we're a tad perplexed at the cut to the restaurant (after the fire Frank starts, which builds expectations).  Fortune cookies are always interesting but the scene lacks action; the ending feels more like a downward spiral and in need of rising tension.  We get that they're soon-to-be caught in the end, but we yearn for some unpredictable twist, turn or surprise to really make the scene stand out.
31709	23	22	22	22	89	This hot air balloon scene has some good descriptions and authentic dialogue.  I'd like to see more emphasis on the dynamic between Lloyd and Else, in particular more back-story to help clarify the nature of the tension between them.   Otherwise, the scene makes good use of its setting and has effective pacing.  Good work!
31710	24	24	23	24	95	This haunted living room scene has a fun, humorous tone and some solid visuals.  I like the ghost as a supporting character for comic relief.  The tension between Greg and Mary works really well, and the scene does a great job illustrating a common problem in an uncommon way.  Overall, a very fun story.  Good work!
31712	24	23	24	25	96	This lunar lair scene has a very imaginative premise, setting, and cast of characters.  The dialogue is fun and lively, and the action is quirky and amusing.  Morrigan's story provides a nice moral, too.  My suggestion would be to put more emphasis on the antagonist and the context of this struggle - who is this hero thwarting our villainous spider tyrant, and what is their current or upcoming battle?  Overall, a very fun scene.  Good work!
31718	23	23	23	22	91	This amusement park scene has some nice subtext in the "on the ground"/"in the air" conversation.  Gabe and Sadie are authentic, realistic characters, and they have a relatable problem in unusual circumstances.  I think the conversation leading up to the ride could probably use more development so we have a better understanding of the context of their relationship.  Overall, it's a strong scene with good visuals.  Nice work!
31719	22	23	22	24	91	This clown wars scene has a very imaginative premise and some fun imagery.  I think Terzen and Zandrene could use a little more time to develop before their thrust into the human world like this because they're such unusual characters and probably worth getting to know better.  Overall, some fun dialogue and quirky action.  Good work!
31722	21	23	22	22	88	This restaurant scene has some nice subtext in the amusement park analoy, and I like Amanda's "tunnel of horrors" line.  Rory and Amanda both do a good job expressing their emotions and conveying their perspectives through dialogue.  The script could use some work on formatting (dialogue should be indented from both the left AND RIGHT margins), and a good rule of thumb is to limit action/description paragraphs to five lines or fewer.  Overall, a nice scene with good subtext.  Well done!
31724	22	23	22	21	88	This PR scene has some strong dialogue and a good sense of tension between Kelsey and Tyler.  Tyler is a fun character, though it's not entirely clear why Kelsey hates him so much.  He seems full of himself and obnoxious but not necessarily evil or cruel in a way that would justify Kelsey's hatred towards him.  I'd like to see more use of subtext in their dialogue to convey one subject that betrays more about how they actually feel.  Metaphors and analogies would work well if they have to speak in front of an unknowing audience, like Kelsey's boss.  Overall, a strong scene with effective dialogue.  Nice work!
31726	21	23	22	23	89	This vampire scene has a unique premise and some good tension between Charles and Lydia.  I think this world has plenty of elements to explore, and the scene would do well to make more use of its setting and the exposition of back-story.  Vampires with computers in their lair seem like an interesting idea, and I'd like to follow that logic to see what other issues might pop up inlaythis world.  So it might be good to expand this and let the conflict play out as they engage in other activities or move from room to room to show us more about what their world is like.  Overall, an interesting scene with a cool premise.  Good work!
31727	24	23	24	23	94	This game show scene has a fun premise and a great use of setting and atmosphere.  I really like the subtext of the grocery shopping argument, and the announcer and game show host, while implausible, have an irreverent charm.  The dogfighting reference seems a bit heavy-handed, but I thought most of the other jokes landed pretty well.  Overall, a fun scene with a quirky sense of style.  Good work!
31728	21	22	21	22	86	This cowboy scene has a nice sense of atmosphere and some authentic dialogue.  I'd like to see you incorporate back-story into the mechanics of the scene (revealing information through dialogue or giving images that convey hints as to what's going on or what's happened).  Instead of telling us why she's angry, show us what their fight is about by letting them talk about it.  Or, better yet, let them use the laundry as a metaphor for their romantic problems.  How is Claire's perspective like the sheets?  How is Sam's behavior like a stain?  How can they talk about the laundry (or the house, the weather or any other subject) like their problems, and how can they discuss their issues without openly acknowledging it?  Overall, it's a unique scene with effective dialogue.  Nice work!
31729	22	22	21	24	89	This tumor scene has a very unique premise and an imaginative conflict.  As long as you have these comedians appearing all over Mel's body, I think you could do more to incorporate their comedic voices or references to their material.  Why not let Kendra and Mel discuss their different jokes or personas in a way that hints at the personal problems they're dealing with?  This is a really fun, interesting choice and a strong scene.  Good work!
31731	21	23	24	22	90	This robbery/murder scene has some powerful imagery and a provocative style.  I think there's room to develop the relationship between Darla and Newt, though, so I'd like to see you put more emphasis on back-story.  Overall, an interesting scene with a nice twist.  Good work!
31737	21	22	23	22	88	This museum tour scene has some subtext in the dialogue, and it makes effective use of its setting.  I'd like to see the characters' personalities, back-stories, and relationship get more emphasis, so it might be good to add another page or two for development.  Also, some formatting errors could be addressed (dialogue margins are too wide, we need scene headings to show the reader where/when the scene takes place, etc.).  Overall, an interesting take on the prompt and a good effort.  Nice work!
31741	21	23	23	22	89	This diner scene makes good use of subtext, and I like the hostile dynamic between the Waitress and the Woman.  The Waitress's "see one  you've seen 'em all" line about corndogs is particularly funny.  I'd like to see more emphasis on specific elements of back-story to develop, and there are some formatting errors to address (character introductions in CAPS, character headings above dialogue in CAPS, etc.).  Overall, it's an interesting take on the prompt and a compelling scene.  Good work!
31742	23	21	22	22	88	This stand-up scene has a good sense of pacing and nice tension between Clare and Patrick.  I think their relationship could use more emphasis on back-story, and I'd like to see more subtext in their dialogue.  Is this a pattern of behavior for Patrick?  Does he say anything specific that sets her off and makes her steal half a million dollars from his bank account?  Overall, an interesting and engaging scene.  Nice work!
31744	23	23	23	22	91	This yuppie paradise scene has a good sense of style and a couple of authentic characters.  I like the subtext in their wine conversation, and the ambiguous ending is an interesting choice.  What out for logical issues (if Myra is a vegan, she wouldn't be eating fish), and it might be worth putting more emphasis on the mistake or blunder Harry made prior to this encounter.  Overall, a strong, compelling scene.  Good work!
31746	23	22	22	23	90	This space crash scene has a lively sense of pacing and clear dramatic stakes.  I'd like to see Fritz and Gypsy engage in more subtext in their conversations, openly discussing one subject while clearly arguing about another topic.  The pilot and pilot and first officer probably don't deserve as much screen time as they get, so I'd like to see the scene put more of a focus on Fritz and Gypsy's argument. Overall, it's a fun, active scene.  Good work!
31747	23	23	22	22	90	This performance audit scene begins with a strong premise and has some clear subtext running throughout the dialogue.  I'd like to see Janie play some kind of active role in the conflict once Alex shows up because it seems strange that she drifts completely into the background.  Also, I think Alex could be clearer on the possible consequences that Chris will face for getting caught - can she fire him?  Get a license revoked?  What's the professional equivalent of "you cheating scumbag!"?  Overall, an interesting take on the prompt and a fun scene.  Good work!
31749	22	23	24	22	91	This Taco Bell scene has a fun sense of play and a quirky style.  I really like Tommy's personality, and the use of props works well.  I think the conflict could use more development, and at three pages, there plenty of room for expansion.  It'd be good to see more subtext in their conversation, too.  How is Taco Bell a good symbol for their relationship (or Tommy's shortcomings)?  Overall, a fun and lively scene.  Good work!
31751	23	22	23	23	91	This Lego scene has a nice conflict between Doug and Emily.  I'd like to see Manny play a more active role in the conversation just to complicate things a bit.  I think the Legos could definitely come into play more, too.  What kinds of structures or objects could they build with Legos?  Maybe they should refer to the Legos (or things Doug and Emily build with them) in order to convey information to each other in a way that Manny doesn't yet understand.  Overall, an interesting piece with good pacing and conflict.  Nice work!
31752	22	23	23	24	92	This mosse scene is a creative approach to the scene prompt, and there's some clever dialogue (like Lance's "hurl my cud" line).  I'd like to see more emphasis on subtext within dialogue.  Overall, it's a fun premise and an engaging scene with real conflict in a unique, creative context.  Nice work!
31754	21	23	22	23	89	This air traffic control scene makes good use of its subject matter and setting, and I like the subtext in the conversation when Vena and Boyce describe their jobs to the students.  The formatting is a bit off (dialogue blocks should be indented from the right margin a full inch), and the scene could make more use of its visuals in the second half.  Overall, a fun take on the scene prompt and good conflict.  Nice work!
31755	22	23	22	22	89	This restaurant scene has some good subtext in the menu conversation.  I think one of Gerald's lines is attributed to Martha by mistake on page.  Also, I think there's room for development, so it would be good to get some more back-story or personality information about this couple before their fight erupts as the waitress arrives.  Overall, good work!
31757	23	22	23	23	91	This apartment scene has a cool twist and a good sense of tension.  It raises some questions as far as how the mechanics of this multiple-identity situation works, but it's interesting and engaging nonetheless.  I'd like to see more emphasis on the subtext within the dialogue.  Overall, it's a tense scene with good pacing and formatting.  Nice work!
31758	23	23	22	22	90	This car breakdown scene has some nice imagery and good attention to detail.  Brian might be a little too irresponsile or unlikable because we wonder why Sue would be with him in the first place if he's THAT much of a jerk.  I'd like to see more subtext or veiled dialogue using the broken down car as a metaphor, too.  Overall, it's an engaging scene with good tension.  Nice work!
31762	23	24	23	24	94	This zombie dinner party scene has a really fun tone and a nice, playful style.  It takes a really fresh approach to a classic awkward situation, and the dialogue really fits the characters well.  I'd like to see a little more emphasis on the "thing" George isn't supposed to do just to get the most out of that subtext.  Overall, it's a really fun, engaging scene.  Good work!
31763	23	22	23	22	90	This charades scene has a fun sense of play, good pacing, and clear action.  I'd like to see the conflict between Charlie and Mai get a little more intense, and I wonder if letting their grudge be over another game (Monopoly) is a better choice than letting the tension be based off a more significant issue troubling their relationship.  Overall, it's a fun scene with a lively, engaging style.  Good work!
31764	23	23	23	22	91	This table setting scene has some nice tension between Phil and Denise, and I like Eunice's presence as a clueless bystander.  The hostility could use a little more support from back-story and exposition so we understand the extent of the problems leading up to this fight.  Overall, it's a fun scene with good tension and nuance.  Nice work!
31768	23	22	21	23	89	This pilot assignment scene has some fun tension between Blake and Autumn.  The subtext of their conversation is quite clear, and the scene uses good attention to detail.  I'd like more emphasis on back-story to understand why Autumn is so over Blake.  Autumn's name (Autumn Summers) and her description make her seem a bit like  porn star or bimbo, which kind of clashes with the characterization we'd get by observing her actions and words, so you may want to reconsider that.  Overall, it's a fun scene with clear tension and good pacing.  Nice work!
31769	23	23	23	23	92	This cycling scene incorporates some fun action and vibrant imagery into a quick, effective story.  The conflict comes to an amusing climax when Michael reveals himself to be a fraud, but I wonder if it should be a more serious transgression to warrant this kind of behavior from Kelly.  Overall, a fun scene with good action and pacing.  Nice work!
31771	22	24	23	23	92	This zoo scene makes great use of its setting, and the tension between Deborah and Dave is clear.  I think it might spread itself a little too thin by having them walk by so many different attractions, so it might work better to have them only visit one animal area (still hearing other things like the hyena) before finding the monkey orgy.  The conversation at the sloth enclosure seems like a better candidate than the elephant area.  Overall, it's a lively, engaging scene with a fun tone.  Good work!
31774	21	23	23	22	89	This blindness experiment scene has some nice dialogue and a good sense of tension once Nikki arrives.  I think it could use some more back-story to explain a bit more about Jackson and Marco and how they've come to be in this situation.  Careful with exposition, as a movie audience would have no way of knowing what Marco's field of study is aside from what they see and hear.  Overall, it's a fun scene with an interesting style.  Good work!
31775	22	23	23	22	90	This family dinner scene has good tension, and Carrie's presence does a good job complicating matters.  I'd like to see more emphasis on the subtext of their argument because it isn't clear exactly why they aren't getting along.  It seems like money issues are the source of the problem throughout the sketch but then Adele's last few lines suggest that it could be sexual issues that are causing the rift in their marriage.
31778	22	24	23	24	93	This motel scene with Jerry and his inflatable doll Helga has some really funny, unique dialogue.  It feels surprisingly authentic, and the tension is actually legitimate.  I'd like to see more use of subtext because it doesn't seem like they talk about one thing while meaning another, but the premise is creative and the story is amusing.  Nice work!
31779	23	24	24	23	94	This Apple Store scene has some great subtext and some irreverent parodies of the hipster Mac culture.  I really like the Borders line in the end, and Helvetica seems like a fun, familiar character.  It's a bit wordy up top, so it'd be nice to see you trim the descriptions and get into the action quicker, but it's a fun, engaging scene.  Good job!
31783	22	22	23	22	89	This Hollywood scene has a fun sense of humor and some good imagery.  It might help to develop the characters' personalities to give them specific names and let them interact a bit before the wine and roses come into play.  Overall, a lively and fun scene.  Good work!
31785	22	23	23	22	90	This university lecture hall scene has some nice tension between Ayesha and Damian and a nice dramatic style based on the culture clash between them.  I'd like to see more emphasis on the subtext of the scene in order to address their issues in more metaphorical or subtle ways.  Overall, it's an engaging scene with good pacing and strong dialogue.  Nice work!
31795	21	23	23	22	89	This confessional scene has a good dynamic between Father Tom and Elizabeth.  It could use some work on formatting and proofreading (the scene should have a slug line like "INT. CONFESSIONAL - DAY" at the beginning, some typos like "idea's" instead of "ideas," etc.).  Overall, an engaging scene with some nice tension.  Good work!
31803	22	23	23	23	91	This dog food factory scene has some unique characters and some fun plays on words (I especially like "barkological clock").  I'd like to see more emphasis put on the subtext within dialogue if the characters discuss one subject while really meaning another.  Overall, it's a fun scene with some lively banter and a witty style.  Good work!
31816	22	23	23	23	91	This "Beansey" scene has a fun premise and some quirky moments.  I think the logical issue of why it's so easy to claim this mysterious identity could use addressing.  It might work better if they had to do more to convince them that Robby is really Beansey - if this is all it takes, why has it never happened before?  Overall, a fun scene with a cool premise.  Nice work!
31823	23	24	23	22	92	This Chevy Nova scene has a nice edgy quality and some mature subject matter.  It takes a dark, sinister turn toward the end, and I thought that Noah's story about the dog and porcupine quills was really effective.  I'd like to get more specific information about what Sasha did to earn this kind of punishment.  Overall, a bold scene with some nice tension.  Good work!
31827	22	21	23	23	89	This dead body scene makes good use of imagery and pacing.  The tension between Jack and Sarah works well.  I'd like to see more emphasis on the subtext of their conversation, though, as they talk about one thing but mean another.  Overall, a strong scene with an intriguing twist.  Good work!
31835	21	21	23	22	87	This hotel spy scene has a fun sense of style and some lively action.  I think the tension between Angel and Frank could be developed more fully, so I'd like to see you expand the scene, explore some elements of back-story, and emphasize the subtext within their dialogue.  Overall, a fun, lively scene.  Nice work!
31858	23	23	22	22	90	This jewelry store scene has some good subtext in the ring conversation, and I like the tension between Marvin and Briana.  I'd like to see more emphasis on the stakes raising because it could definitely feel like a more dramatic or significant turning point by the end.  Overall, a strong scene with good pacing and tension.  Nice work!
31859	21	22	23	23	89	This cargo transport scene has an eclectic cast of characters and a fun, quirky tone.  The scene could probably use more emphasis on the subtext in dialogue, and a good proofreading would help with spelling and formatting errors (like "base"/"bass" confusion and  a slugline with "INTERIOR" instead of "INT.")  Overall, an interesting and unique scene.  Good work!
31860	22	23	23	22	90	This Risk scene has good attention to detail and makes good use of the props.  I like the game references, and the tension between Nikola and Amber works well.  I'd like more emphasis on back-story and some higher dramatic stakes by the end, but overall, it's an engaging scene with strong pacing and good dialogue.  Good work!
31866	22	22	23	22	89	This cupcake fight scene has a good dynamic between Patrick and Marty and some strong characterizations up top.  I think the scene could use some more emphasis on subtext within dialogue, so it might be worth going into more metaphorical depth for what cupcakes (and the other food items Marty mentions) might represent.  Overall, good work!
31866	22	22	23	22	89	This cupcake fight scene has a good dynamic between Patrick and Marty and some strong characterizations up top.  I think the scene could use some more emphasis on subtext within dialogue, so it might be worth going into more metaphorical depth for what cupcakes (and the other food items Marty mentions) might represent.  Overall, good work!
31869	22	23	23	21	89	This Hollywood Christmas party scene has an interesting premise and some good tension among Gareth, Tommy, and Charli.  Be careful with exposition in action/description - if a movie audience can't know something by seeing or hearing it, be very cautious about telling your readers extra information (like back-story info at the beginning).  Overall, a fun scene with some nice tension and a good sense of atmosphere.  Nice work!
31874	22	23	22	22	89	This hideout scene has an interesting pair of characters and a good dynamic between Ritchie and Kiwi.  I'd like to see more emphasis on the subtext of their dialogue and some higher dramatic stakes by finding out a bit more about what happened when "things got crazy back there."  Overall, an interesting scene with some good visuals.  Nice work!
31879	22	23	23	22	90	This psychiatric hospital scene has a good sense of tension between Julie and Tom.  Tom's dog story is a compelling moment, and I like the dialogue is smooth and effective.  I'd like to see some leaner action/descriptions to set the scene up top and a clearer emphasis on dramatic stakes by the end.  Overall, it's an engaging scene with strong characters.  Good work!
31881	21	23	23	22	89	This flowers argument scene has some amusing dialogue and a fun dynamic between Dick and Deenay.  I'd like to see more subtext in their conversation and back-story to help establish the problems in their relationship before they start arguing about the flowers (which might work better as a symbol for bigger issues rather than a whole problem).  Overall, it's an interesting scene with an amusing tone.  Good work!
31882	22	22	23	22	89	This zombie anniversary scene has a nice sentiment and some strong characters in Ruby and Bruce.  I think the dialogue is probably a bit underutilized and I'd like to see more emphasis on the subtext.  Otherwise, the story has good imagery and a clear, effective tone.  Good work!
31883	21	22	22	22	87	Nice scene overall, with colorful characters and some snappy dialogue flashes, but would like to get right into the OWEN/NICKY conflict, and right at the scene opening. A lot of scene time spent setting up information and detail which can be sprinkled into the confrontation, which itself needs to be front and center, and much more palpable, even on a subtextural level. NICKY doesn’t seem like she’s “had it.” She just “needs a break.” Maybe the “scheme gone awry” could be stronger (and more clear) and have even more personal impact on her, which justifies her confronting Owen. Good effort here.
31885	22	22	22	22	88	Good energy at the open, getting us right into the conflict. Not sure we need to flash back at all, as the present day scene action and dialogue reveals detail it on its own. That said, dialogue could be pared back a bit, allowing room for subtext to reveal truths and emotional undercurrents unspoken, over and above FOREST’S crying. Also, are he and ABBY intimate? Even the slightest visual or gesture could clear this confusion up. Nice pop with Forest turning a gun on himself, leaving us wondering what happens next. Nice effort here, overall.
31892	22	22	22	22	88	Nice scene, overall, with well-defined characters. Perhaps a bit too much scene time spent establishing setting and extraneous action, though, as we don’t get to your principals’ “having it out” for a few pages. Nice connection between JACK’S management decisions and his engagement ring debacle, but consider getting right to the confrontation and Jack/JENNY conflict from the get go. If it’s over the ring, then get to it. The new VENDOR meeting situation provides good opportunity for Jack to try and talk around Jenny while still engaging his clients, even if Jenny’s a bit too obvious about what she’s talking about (actually taking off the ring). A little more metaphoric jousting might be fun. Solid work here.
31893	21	23	23	22	89	Well-crafted scene, with a good visual sense and crisp dialogue. Just wish it satisified more of the scene prompt parameters, as we’re left wondering what the awry scheme is, if MONAGHAN and ELISABETH are intimately involved, and who/why either of them has “had it.” It’s apparent there’s something going on under the guise of the magic performance, but perhaps it’s too buried. Elisabeth’s nervousness comes through, but maybe we need a few more hints as to why, with Monaghan’s turn of phrase being a bit more obvious. Solid work and style here, though.
31900	21	22	22	22	87	Nice scene here, with clearly defined characters and solid dialogue. SHARON’S OCD is a nice touch, maybe a tad overwrought, but ultimately doesn’t reveal much about the core scene objective. Subtext might be a bit too thick, obscuring what it is these characters are actually in conflict about. Is Sharon behind the trouble at the office, including the “motorcycle type?” She apparently paid someone to do something, right? It’s an interesting bit of twist from NEIL, but Sharon’s involvement could be clearer, even if it comes out through her OCD more during the scene. Good effort, nonetheless.
31905	22	23	22	22	89	Solid, energetic scene with well-drawn characters and decent dialogue rhythm and pop. While MAUREEN and MATHESON’S political leanings are clearly established during the studio set-up, the Oreo eating preference discussion – which seems a logical extension of their debate – doesn’t come through as cleanly, perhaps overpowered by the dog burial. It’s an unconventional situation, sure, but perhaps there’s a way to tie the dog’s death to the cookies. Maybe the dog, in its uncaged freedom, got into the cookies, gorged, and croaked, and Matheson’s wondering about its preferred method of eating them gets to their competing theories. The scene with DEVIN feels unnecessary to the Matheson/Maureen confrontation. Also, recheck your definition of “guffaw,” as it is a “loud, unrestrained burst of laughter.” You may mean “gaff,” as in mistake. That said, some nice work here.
31911	22	23	23	23	91	Interesting interpretation of the scene parameters, with well-drawn (and named) characters and some nice descriptive flourishes. Dialogue has a nice banter-ish quality. Not clear on what the scheme gone awry is, as it feels as though this is more an ongoing battle between MORT and VIE (no duh, right?). Setting and action is definitely unconventional, though scene seems more self-contained than part of a larger story, especially with the “Life” and “Death” elevator reveal, which begs the question: “Where does the story go from here?” That said, some good work here overall.
31916	21	22	22	22	87	Decent scene work here, with some solid descriptive flourishes. Consider trimming the detail way back, though, as thick paragraphs bog down the scene’s energy and sense of forward propulsion. The trick is to set a mood, add some visual flavor, introduce your characters, and then get on to the scene objective at hand. Too much scene time spent with set-up here. Need to get a clearer sense of what the scheme gone awry is and why either Liz or Eric has “had it,” getting right to the LIZ and ERIC conflict and confrontation and building from there, including those layers of subtext the scene parameters require. Good effort, overall.
31917	21	22	22	22	87	Good energy right out of the gate, which sets a solid mood. Breezy style makes for a quick read, which helps with forward movement. Dialogue bounces back and forth, which maintains that movement within the scene. Not much in the way of subtext here, however, as whatever CLAIRE and JOE have to say is just said. Sometimes it’s what characters don’t say that says the most. Nice effort here, overall.
31921	23	23	22	22	90	A well-done scene, with snappy, back-and-forth dialogue and a quick pace, which makes for an easy read. Not sure what the “scheme gone awry” is here (perhaps it’s HE’S lack of aggressiveness), but SHE is obviously fed up with it. Good use if the soccer discussion to stand in for their lack of “action,” even though sometimes you get a bit too on the nose with what SHE says and means, and you pointing out that fact, veering into the actual topic at play and not the soccer game. Overall, though, a solid effort.
31924	23	24	24	23	94	Excellent approach to the scene parameters. Solid energy from the get go, with confrontation and conflict at center stage. Dialogue has great snap and bite. Nice use of the Russian nesting doll visual. A little too obvious, but a solid visual reinforcement nonetheless. Scene, while self-contained, allows us to picture what’s transpired before it, and hints to what’s to come. Well done.
31929	21	22	20	22	85	Brisk scene with decent energy. Dialogue has definite snap, though it feels repetitive and a bit too obvious and out in the open. Scene could use more gestures and unspoken moments (aside from the overwrought blocking detail) to better reveal what’s not being talked about. Simply hiding the gun in the closet isn’t so much subtext as it is a surprise. A bit too much scene time spent with set up. Getting right into the SUSAN/JIMMY confrontation would’ve been key, with more of an indication that Susan’s “had it,” rather than the “they” she refers to. Susan’s “job” reveal might’ve had more pop if she’d saved it for the end, “hiding” it beneath a more unassuming yet metaphoric conversation. 2 STYLE points deducted for writing beyond contest’s 5 page limit. Hollywood studios won’t be as lenient. That said, a nice effort here.
31930	22	21	21	21	85	Ouch poor Milton!  This is a well-written scene that does a good job in conveying Milton's situation.  It's nice how things move back and forth from the yard to the house and the neighbor's house (there's plenty HAPPENING in the scene, so it's not just talk).  Some of the dialogue feels a little one-notish, though, and we crave some other angle to break things up.  The final twist of Claire faking his signature on divorce papers is a tad harsh and because they seem like a relatively normal family, it's a little hard to buy.  It's a nice effort overall, but never really comes together in the believable, spectacular way that we crave.
31931	20	22	23	22	87	Intriguing scene, with a nice visual sense and style. Just wish you could’ve tackled the scene parameters with as much creativity, as we don’t get a clear sense of a scheme gone awry or of conflict, with SAURORA having “had it” with DUNCAN. Dialogue has a nice, sing-songy quality. Be careful with thick blocks of scene description, though, which bog down scene energy and the read. Boil imagery down to its essence, with a minimum of words, and break the blocks up into more easily readable chunks. Lastly, try to avoid providing information in scene description the audience has no way of seeing or hearing. If it’s not onscreen, it doesn’t exist. Good effort here, regardless.
31933	20	22	22	22	86	Solid scene with good energy and rising tension. An efficient, effective style makes for a quick read. Dialogue has some nice snap, too. Just wish we had a confrontation and some conflict right from the get go, with less build up and more of ANNA and CHRIS mixing it up with direct contact and indirect subtext. Good effort here, nonetheless.
31934	23	23	22	22	90	Good scene with well-drawn characters and clear description, setting a solid mood and keeping the read mostly snappy. The description gets a little thick as DIANE closes in, though, defusing some of the rising tension. The Belichick “discussion” is an intriguing approach to a subtextural level of the JACK/DIANE conversation, but it still feels a bit too on the nose and obvious, and could be more subtle, like a dance. The dialogue, too, could be more cryptic and less expository while still conveying your characters’ objectives. Solid effort here, overall.
31938	21	22	23	22	88	An engaging scene with solid characters and a good, banterish quality to the dialogue. The recycling discussion works well as scene business, but the underlying reality of what’s going between ERIN and MARK isn’t as clear as it could be. The conversation comes across as pretty literal, with little in the way of subtext. Perhaps if the recycling was symbolic of something else, perhaps a relationship issue. As far as style goes, consider breaking up your thicker blocks of scene description to raise the scene’s energy level to match the dialogue and keep the read brisk. Economy of words is key in any scene. That said, good effort here.
31940	23	23	24	23	93	Well-executed scene with solid energy and set up from the get go. Nice visual sense,, though see if you can boil down your scene description even more to its core and most impactful imagery. Good, snappy dialogue and comedic flair. The “egg” discussion works well as cover for the real subject of the conversation, even if the shell occasionally cracks, exposing the literal truth (Maybe they discuss a Russian egg recipe or variation that didn’t taste so good, instead of getting operationally specific). Not clear if KELSEY and RYAN are intimate (re: love interests). Just a hint would’ve been fine. That said, great work here.
31945	22	22	22	22	88	Solid, well-contained and efficiently written scene. Liked the multiple-layered conversation, especially as it becomes more and more detailed between RICK and DANI, even though it might’ve been more subtextural to have their dialogue sound more cop-like and procedural, to better mask their family squabble. Would’ve also liked them in the scene from the start, without the third-party reference to them arguing outside. Just get right to their beef as MARTIN goes through his briefing. On a formatting note: separate your Scene Heading Slug from your Scene Description. It’s a run-on jumble here. INT. CHESTNUT VALLEY PD – BRIEFING ROOM – DAY. Then, start your scene description with a fresh paragraph (and not in ALL CAPS). That said, good effort overall.
31946	21	23	23	22	89	Sweet, engaging and well-written scene. Writer has a strong visual sense and a tight, efficient style, making for a brisk read. Dialogue is equally efficient and crisp. Just wish more attention was paid to the scene parameter requirements, though, because it’s not clear what FREDDIE’S shooting has to do with CORA’S frustration about their not dancing. What is Freddie’s scheme gone awry? Perhaps if it had to do with his cavorting with other bunnies, or made more clear here, then Cora could have finally “had it” with him. As written, it seems as though there are two unrelated story tracks, both of which are pretty literal and without much subtext. Good effort, nonetheless.
31948	21	23	23	22	89	Snappy, tense scene with good energy right off the bat. The back-and-forth dialogue helps maintain that energy and keeps the scene moving, even if the dual-track of their conversation comes across as more literal, separated and out in the open than subtextural, CRAB’S attempts at physical intimacy aside. Perhaps if the alleged attack/fight were the main thrust of their conversation, referring to their relationship genesis and subsequent instability more metaphorically and symbolically within the attack/fight context. In any event, a solid effort here.
31949	21	23	22	22	88	An effective scene overall, as far as establishing mood and tension right out of the gate are concerned. Dialogue is succinct and complements the tension well. The characters’ physical gestures are laid on pretty thick, though, almost drowning out VICTOR and BETTY’S conversation, which, in itself, is pretty above board and literal. Sure, the level of unease and emotional charge comes through those gestures, but they provide little in the way of subtext. The big question is, “What AREN’T they talking about, and how does that come through the non-verbals?” Good effort here, nonetheless.
31951	21	22	21	23	87	Interesting approach to the scene parameters, and the otherworldly flavor works well as an “unconventional” forum. Some good dialogue snap along the way, too. Even with TED’S condition, though, the conversation/confrontation/conflict with KAYLA seems above board and literal. Yes, he’s a spirit, but what is it these two AREN’T saying during the scene that clues us in on the real topic of conversation. Kayla herself brings the elephant into the room by mentioning it outright, rather than dancing around it through subtext (gestures and non-verbals, or metaphoric dialogue). On a formatting note: Even when submitting a script as a Word document, at least make sure the pages remain separate pages, with page breaks, rather than a piano roll of pages, where the next numbered “page” may start in the middle of the currently viewed page. That said, good effort here.
31955	22	22	22	22	88	Intriguing approach to the scene parameters, with some palpable tension throughout. Scene description’s a bit thick with detail – which bogs down the energy and the read – so consider boiling it down to more impactful visuals using fewer words. Set a mood, establish your characters and setting as concisely as possible, and then get right to the scene meat, which, in this case, is the confrontation/conflict. BENEDICT’S out of town encounter is obviously the common denominator here, though the fact he’s engaging in a romantic email conversation with a shared address seems convoluted (not ot mention stupid on his part). FLEUR’S non-verbally tearing down of their engagement works well. A solid effort, overall.
31956	23	23	23	23	92	Solid, well-crafted scene with good energy from the start. Good, reader-friendly balance of white and black space on the page, which helps with pacing. Dialogue flows nicely, too. It seems as though BRIDGET’S beefing is more pent up frustration rather than a reaction to a scheme of SIMON’S gone awry, though her projection of their situation onto MR. WESTING and VIVIAN’S relationship works well at covertly addressing their problems at home. Nice bit of ending twist, with the conversation coming back to Westing’s guilt and the mission at hand. Good work here.
31959	21	23	22	23	89	Entertaining approach to the scene parameters, especially with the cool concept of ANNE and MARTIN’S “profiling” the morgue stiffs while projecting their own dysfunctional relationship upon them. Too bad we don’t get to this clever and funny scene meat until the next to last page. It might’ve gotten the scene off to a rip-roaring start if you plopped them into their reluctant morgue duty right off the bat, ramping up the confrontation/conflict from there while peppering in the backstory about what they’re doing there, even though Martin’s “scheme gone awry” (the handcuffed Girl Scout) doesn’t have much bearing on their home life issues. Some snappy, biting dialogue here. A solid effort, nonetheless.
31962	23	22	23	23	91	Entertaining scene here, with engaging characters, solid visuals and good tension right from the get go. Nice use of cooking action as cover for what’s going on beneath the surface – liked the peach symbolism a lot – but the rest of the foodstuffs and cooking ingredients could’ve been used to greater subtextural effect, especially when referencing family and the underlying points of contention between BECKY and JIM. BTW, how do we know she’s reversed the show’s title if this is the first time we’ve heard it? Avoid providing backstory detail in scene description your audience has no way of knowing (or reading). If it doesn’t exist onscreen, it doesn’t exist. A passing visual reference to the show’s title would’ve punched up Becky’s move, giving their antagonism an added bump. That said, good job on this.
31962	23	22	23	23	91	Entertaining scene here, with engaging characters, solid visuals and good tension right from the get go. Nice use of cooking action as cover for what’s going on beneath the surface – liked the peach symbolism a lot – but the rest of the foodstuffs and cooking ingredients could’ve been used to greater subtextural effect, especially when referencing family and the underlying points of contention between BECKY and JIM. BTW, how do we know she’s reversed the show’s title if this is the first time we’ve heard it? Avoid providing backstory detail in scene description your audience has no way of knowing (or reading). If it doesn’t exist onscreen, it doesn’t exist. A passing visual reference to the show’s title would’ve punched up Becky’s move, giving their antagonism an added bump. That said, good job on this.
31963	20	22	22	22	86	An interesting scene with a straightforward and efficient style. Dialogue is to the point, which kind of eliminates the need for any subtext (a required scene parameter): everything here is above board and clearly stated. BILL’S one-sided conversation doesn’t avail the scene with much in the way of conflict or confrontation precipitated by a scheme gone awry or one character having “had it” with the other (another scene parameter). The gun reveal amps up the tension a bit, though by that point the scene’s essentially over. Nice effort here, regardless.
31966	22	23	22	23	90	Tense scene right from the get go, putting the reader on the (l)edge. Snappy, banterish dialogue keeps the energy up, too. OWEN’S confusion makes for a nice bit of comedic bite. Liked the idea of the LANCE/MARGE psych cop tag team and the projection of their issues onto Owen’s situation, even if the double-talk eventually gives way to above board and on the nose truths. Scene could’ve used a bit more in the way of non-verbals and gestures to provide subtext, rather than relying solely on the dialogue. Nice job here, nonetheless.
31968	20	23	23	23	89	Engaging and well-crafted scene with a strong visual component and rich dialogue. Anthropomorphized characters make for a nice change of pace in the approach to the scene parameters, even if the required criteria seem unfulfilled. Would’ve liked to jump right into the “meat” of the scene – the subtextural conflict/confrontation between VARRICK and CARYN precipitated by the scheme gone awry and one character having “had it” with the other. The MEDICAL WORKER set-up feels extraneous. On a formatting note: consider placing your SUPERS after your Scene Heading Slug, once you’ve visually established your location. Not that it’s needed here anyway, as your Stutz Bearcat reference helps helps set the era. Good effort here.
31974	23	23	23	24	93	Fun, farcical and entertaining scene, with solid characters and snappy, witty dialogue. Solid comedic bits throughout. Could’ve probably done without LYNN directly addressing DR. MYERS’ need to stop his advances, as the Myers’ opening visual says plenty right up front. Their dental procedure “dance” around unsuspecting JIM works as a solid smoke screen on its own. Great job here.
31975	22	23	22	23	90	A well-crafted scene, with solid visual genre flourishes throughout. Dialogue has a natural feel, though it might’ve been cool to bolster the alien characters with more distinctive and idiosyncratic “voices,” over and above their teen tone. Would’ve liked to see CANNAN and ARABELLA “have it out” sooner, saving the pregnancy reveal (which is a bit visually overdone and on the nose up front) as a subtextural element during the R&J discussion (which is a good device). Not sure why CANNAN is suddenly antagonistic and even suggestively violent to ARABELLA, though… especially since not a minute before he was ready to start work to take care of his “girls.” His implied extortion, while potentially a cool twist, doesn’t seem justified. All in all, a good effort here.
31977	22	22	23	24	91	This is a very imaginative and well-written scene with a lot going on.  It's a little hard to follow the two love interests with all the other android creatures talking and moving about (oh, and it's a little hard to visualize these 'androids' whispering in each others' ears, since it happens more than once - would a machine really need to whisper?).  I love the romance angle and was reminded a little of WALL-E.  Perhaps Androlls 1-4 should have names to make it less confusing, but I like the charm of the scene overall.  Good job.
31983	24	23	24	23	94	Solid scene with well-drawn characters and an efficient, streamlined style that makes for a snappy read. Dialogue is crisp and natural, and the NASCAR/race speak is subtlely woven in without overpowering. Interview situation works well as a forum for character and story reveals, with JOEY and TROY’S responses revealing a lot more, especially Troy apparently having “had it” with Joey’s racing style. Good work.
31984	23	24	22	23	92	An engaging and entertaining scene, with clearly-drawn characters, crisp dialogue and a fine attention to visual detail. The detail, however, could’ve been thinned out and streamlined a bit, boiling it down to core, impactful imagery, because the over abundance of black on the page weighs down the read. A loose interpretation of the “love interest” scene parameter (perhaps we could’ve seen a bit more of a hint to an apparent ALEX crush), but ROWAN’S trickster story reference and their discussion works as solid current situation symbolism. The WOMAN’S SUIT-as-Mother reveal is a nice twist. Nice work here.
31985	21	22	22	22	87	Scene starts out with some promise, especially with the dropped coffee mug symbolism and the apparent tension between ANNIE and MIKE. The drug discussion, however, is pretty much all above board and out in the open, which kind of eliminates any opportunity for subtext and unspoken truths/realities between them. Perhaps if Mike used his knowledge about the drugs in how he approached and broached the topic with Annie, without actually resorting to whipping out the bag of coke and wagging it in her face. Annie, too, could’ve done a dance through dialogue and action. Maybe she’s “on” whatever she’s selling. Also, it feels as if this is a first-offense and not another in a string of schemes. The bad coke twist is a surprise, but it feels uncessary. A good effort here, though.
31986	22	23	23	22	90	Brisk, concise and visually effective style, which keeps the read moving. Dialogue is crisp and energetic, too. While it sort of feels like CAROL and ETHAN have engaged in more than just a working relationship, and a few of their comments point in that direction (“Bigger” “Impossible” is a particularly suggestive exchange), perhaps a bit more intimation as to how Ethan’s “scheme has gone awry” is needed from Carol’s side of the conversation. She seems pretty satisfied about her “work” at the firm. If she’d truly “had it” with Ethan, she might be more critical of the “environment.” Would’ve also liked to see Carol’s character remain strong through the end of the scene. Her “breaking façade” and ultimate “Fuck You!” weaken her. Overall, though, a nice effort on the scene.
31987	20	22	22	22	86	An entertaining scene with some nice comedic flair. “Happy Colon” is a hoot. Would’ve liked to see the scene parameters at play here though, as they seem to have gone “Poof” themselves. The reference to MANDY and JESSICA’S apparent intimacy is all we get, but we don’t get much in the way of Mandy having “had it” with Jessica’s “scheme gone awry,” especially since the combustible herbs don’t come across as a scheme at all, but rather an accident turned sales boon. Also, everything about the scene is above board and literal, not allowing for any subtextural opportunities with non-verbals and gestures. A solid effort, regardless.
31988	21	22	23	23	89	A short and sweet and engaging scene. Opening image set-up is crisp, efficient and effective. CAMILE’S frustration and having “had it” with LEON’S color “scheme” comes across fine, though instead of subtext, the scene relies a bit too much on “punny” wordplay misdirection build up and a cobra-induced reveal for a payoff (which is a nice bit of visual business, BTW). Also, one would think that Camile and Leon would hear the audience’s laughter after the slap and know they’ve been heard, squelching their conversation. A solid effort here, regardless.
31989	21	21	22	22	86	Scene opens with good potential, as the tension seems high right from the get go. MARK’S dread is palpable. ROBIN’S surprise appearance, and Mark’s reaction, ratchets the tension higher. Not getting a sense of any “scheme gone awry,” though, aside from Mark’s seafood of choice and Robin’s obvious frustration with it. If “shrimp” and “scallops” are supposed to represent something else between the couple (like suspicions of an affair, etc.), it needs to be clearer. Perhaps if they discussed the differences between the two choices (flavor, price, etc.), we could draw conclusions they’re talking about types of people (re: the other woman). IF that’s even what they’re trying to say. Would’ve liked to see some visuals as subtext here too, like symbolic gestures and the like. The rimshot punchline is fine, but feels unnecessary to the scene’s core. A good effort here, regardless.
31993	22	24	24	21	91	Well-crafted scene, with nicely drawn characters and a crisp style that makes for an easy read. Dialogue is natural and fat-free. Aside from KAUFMAN’S obnoxious behavior, not getting much in the way of a “scheme gone awry” or SUGAR having “had it.” Sure, she asks what he’s doing there, she squirms at his closeness and tries to tamp him down, but there could be more in the way of their sparring over a larger, below-the-surface issue during the course of the game. In fact, the scene is pretty above board (not to mention a solid slice of life moment), with the most profound subtext not really breaking through until the COACH enters the conversation on the next-to-last page, as Kaufman “gets” that he and Sugar are together. That said, a good effort here.
31994	21	22	22	21	86	Some nice tension right out of the gate. Scene shows potential as JERRY and SUSAN huddle about their common problem, even if the problem seems a bit too above board and out in the open. MATT’S arrival presents a cool opportunity for the co-conspirators to really lay on the subtext and speak more metaphorically and with more misdirection. But Matt just drops off some scene information here (what the GUARD may have found). Perhaps if he derailed their conversation with more urgent work to be dealt with, Jerry and Susan could use the new topic to speak to one another in code, to get their own information across without Matt realizing it. This might amp up the scene tension. All in all, a good effort here.
31995	21	22	23	22	88	Engaging scene shows potential at the start, establishing ROGER as not so on the up and up. But then DIANNE’S gone. Would’ve liked to get right into the meat of the scene – the Roger/JEWELS layered dynamic – from the get go, rather than wait until the next to last page. That said, it almost feels like the DIANNE set-up and phone call is unnecessary. Whatever his scheme may be (and even that could be a bit clearer), it’s between him and Jewels. Focus on their conflict right out of the gate. Good use of the art piece as situational symbolism. An overall writing note: The typos get in the way of the read here. Proofread and spellcheck before you submit, especially to agents and producers, putting your best page forward and letting everyone know you’re serious about your craft. That said, a good effort here.
32001	21	22	23	21	87	A brisk, efficient style makes for a breezy read, which keeps the energy up from start to finish. LYNN’S reaction to GEOFF’S text is a bit confusing, probably because we don’t really know the nature of their relationship. Married? Lovers? Also, it’s not clear what “scheme has gone awry.” While Lynn’s fitness center membership double-talk offers potential for a layered conversation, it’s not clear if the reason she’s taken this approach is because it has something to do with PAUL, which might’ve been cool from an adulterous perspective. She seems to be calling out Geoff on his cavorting (I think), but unless the truth will impact Paul, there’s little need to be so secretive. In any event, a solid effort here.
32006	22	23	23	22	90	Well-crafted and effective scene with an efficient style that makes for a quick read. Dialogue works well: crisp and and natural-sounding. While ALICE’S breaking the news about ROGER’S stock problem gives EMILY conflict ammo for later, repeating the same info between Roger and JAKE seems extraneous to the scene. Maybe Alice alludes to how bad the hit was, at least from what Jake told her. Would’ve liked to see a more measured exchange between Roger and Emily during the game, as they use the game as cover for their subtextural ruse, distracting Jake and Alice from their playing enough to beat them handily. Let the cardplay get more tense rather than their words, using the suits and the cards themselves as analogs for their financial situation. That said, good job overall.
32007	21	23	22	22	88	Some nice energy and tension from the get go, not to mention some snappy dialogue, and the scene looks to have solid potential. It’s obvious that LUCY’S “had it” with BERNIE’S schemes, and the last straw is at hand. I say obvious because their conversation and confrontation is all above board and on the nose, not leaving much room for subtext. Sometimes it’s what’s NOT being said that says everything in a particular situation. What else can they talk about that stands in for the real issue at hand? Perhaps a more compelling setting might provide opportunity. On a formatting note: Consider breaking up thick paragraphs of scene description into more easily digestible (re: readable) chunks. Distill the description down to the most effective and impactful core imagery. Blocks of black encourage readers to skim. That said, a good effort here.
32010	21	23	22	23	89	A nicely-crafted, entertaining scene with engaging characters and a solid comedic flair. Dialogue is lean and effective. Would’ve liked to see more of the scene parameters at work here, though. Not sure what scheme of KORBIN’S has “gone awry” to feed into CARLY’S “having had it” confrontation. Sure, there are apparent marriage issues (and the missing ring is a nice touch), but everything here seems pretty above board and on the nose, the most obvious bit of subtext coming out through their respective paintings. Even then, that’s only about a page and a half of scene time, and we don’t even get to SEE the paintings onscreen – they’re “described” to us via dialogue. Perhaps there was a way to expand the actual painting exercise to further explore each character’s use of paint and brush to show what they feel and and what they’re not saying. In any event, a good effort here.
32011	22	23	23	24	92	A creepy yet entertaining scene, with solid horror visuals and ick factor. Style is efficient and effective, making for a brisk read. Dialogue is a bit heightened and works for the genre, especially for DR. BARDO’S character. His and the FEMALE RESIDENT’S true identities aside (which is a nice bit of twisty switcheroo at the end, BTW), their confrontation/having it out during the meat of the scene is pretty much above board and literal. Sure, the “dissection” adds an unsettling aspect to the scene, but it comes across more as on the nose symbolic shock value than subtext. All in all, though, an effective scene. Good job.
32012	22	23	22	23	90	Energetic scene gets right into the action and tension right out of the gate. Dialogue has some snap, moving like the dance routine, which works well as cover for WILL and AMANDA’S heist discussion. Not sure how GLENN knows Will is the thief simply based on the found glass cutter. Could’ve been clearer and not so story convenient. It might’ve been cool to have Will leave behind one of his gloves, which Glenn finds – and Amanda asks him about when they dance – which raises the stakes and tension as Glenn arrives at the ballroom with the other glove, looking for a Cinderella-type match. On a formatting note: Scene description is single-spaced. That said, a good job here.
32013	22	22	23	22	89	A solid scene here, with a brisk pace and an efficient style. Setting, character and mood are handled quickly, allowing you to get right to the scene meat between ANDY and KATE. Their book discussion is a nice subtextural device, even if it comes about in an on the nose manner. It might’ve been cool to relate the context of the book to whatever Andy’s “scheme gone awry” is supposed to be (and why he’s been jailed). Also, Kate doesn’t necessarily come across as having “had it” with him, which might’ve raised the conflict and tension level. Not sure what the circus has to do with anything, though it too could’ve been linked to why Andy’s been in jail. In any event, a good effort.
32014	22	22	22	22	88	Some interesting stuff in here. The tension is apparent as the scene opens, and the dialogue does a decent job of bolstering the visuals. It’s when we start cutting away to the underlying reality of the conflict (the lottery tickets in the bedroom; the Heimlich robot) that the scene stumbles a bit. It feels as though you’re letting the cat out of the bag rather than letting the truth emerge from the subtext between MARY and JACK’S lines, which tend to be a bit too on the nose and above board. Liked MOM and DAD’S uneasiness: they sense something’s afoot. DAD having the winning lottery ticket, however, comes across as too story convenient and too easy a set up for the title/moral of the story punchline. A good effort here, regardless.
32016	21	23	23	22	89	An efficient and entertaining scene, with good pacing and a breezy style to keep the read and energy high. Dialogue has snap to it as well, and is low-fat. Would’ve liked to get a more profound subtextural sense from the scene, though, as the conversation seems fairly on the nose, literal and above board. NORMAN and SALLY discuss the details of the fix they’re in while we SEE the fix they’re in (namely TOM, and LYLE’S body). Perhaps if the topic of the conversation were more cryptic or metaphoric, and we didn’t get the body reveal surprise until the very end of the scene, then the subtext plays a more vital role as build up. Overall though, a good effort.
32021	21	22	22	22	87	Scene has a streamlined style, which makes for a brisk pace and a quick read. Would’ve liked to get a more profound sense of what “scheme has gone awry” and which of the two characters, LOLA or SOL, has “had it” with the other. There’s some potential for intrigue here, as well as for some conflict, but it seems to get lost in the disjointed dialogue. Their “dirty” exchange leading to the kiss is a nice bit of business, but, overall, the subtext might be TOO buried in the scene. It’s not clear if Lola or BARRY caused the explosion, or why. On a formatting note: Use EXT. instead of “OUTSIDE” in your Scene heading. That said, some solid effort here.
32024	21	23	22	22	88	An entertaining scene overall, with a nice comedic vibe. Dialogue has a solid banterish quality and plays well. Would’ve liked to see the scene unfold on a more subtextural level, as the action and dialogue is pretty above board and on the nose. JENNY and STEVE have nothing to hide here. Sure, Jenny can discuss the symbolism surrounding the photographs and her motivation behind them, but they’re both talking about dicks, plain and simple. No beating around the bush, as it were. On a formatting note: Thick paragraphs of Scene Description tend to slow down the pacing and the read. Readers tend to skim through them, too. Distill description down to its most impactful core imagery with a minimum of words. If anything, break up thicker paragraphs into smaller, more easily digestible (re: readable) chunks. That said, a good effort here.
32025	21	23	23	23	90	A visually crisp scene, with a cool Steampunky/sci-fi kind of vibe and well-drawn characters. Dialogue is lean and has a good snap to it. Scene Description gets a bit thick with detail at times, though, which bogs down the overall energy and slows down the read. Consider a low-fat but impactful approach to the description as well. Liked the intimation that ARTEMIS’ captaining skills put her and the ship into a fix, and that THEO isn’t too pleased by it, but aside from the hologram/life support pod twist at scene end, the meat of their conflict/confrontation is pretty literal and above board. It doesn’t come across that what they’re doing and what they’re saying might be two different things. It’s a solid job here, regardless.
32028	21	23	23	23	90	A solid, engaging scene with an efficient style and a well-conveyed, lighthearted vibe. Would’ve liked to see more of the scene parameters at work here, as neither the “scheme gone awry” nor the love interest “having had it” really comes through. MISTY and STEWART don’t do much dancing around the discussion of the blown off date; the conversation’s pretty straightforward and above board. The only real subtext is CHARLIE and his bananantics whenever GEORGE’S name is mentioned. It might’ve been cool to see how Misty and Greg try to discuss George without saying (or spelling) his name, with Charlie constantly outsmarting them. It gets to the point where maybe even Misty and Stewart have to resort to complete non-verbal communication. Charlie’s running visual commentary is cute, though. All in all, a nice job here.
32029	22	24	23	23	92	An entertaining, easy to read scene with a solid comedic spirit and crackling banter. Liked the lamp discussion’s multiple layers, though at times it seems to veer just a bit off course for an on the nose reference to MARY JANE and REEVE’S apparent relationship strain and need for change (“Skydiving…”). To keep the on-the-surface topic cleanly and clearly about the lamps and their impressions/applications works the best here (“Childish,” for instance, SAYS a lot), and it would really set the scene up for the solid “Bjorgle”/sister button reveal. Also, it seems as though the “supervillain” and “reason I liked it” lines are assigned to the wrong characters. Reversed, they would maintain the personalities/positions of each character. That said, a nice job here.
32030	21	22	22	22	87	An energetic scene from the start, which grabs your attention. Some good dialogue flourishes here, too. Would’ve liked to get more into the subtext, as JACK and ANNE’S conversation/confrontation is pretty literal and above board. They says what they mean, and the subject matter is out in the open. The allusion to the kidney donation has some potential, especially the “half a person” reference. It might’ve been cool to explore that further. The rough plane ride works as symbolism of their sputtering relationship. On a formatting note: Try to trim back and streamline your SCENE DESCRIPTION down to its core objective, using fewer, more visually impactful words. Thick paragraphs tend to bog down the scene energy as well as the read. If anything, break it up into easily digestible (re: readable) chunks. That said, a solid effort.
32031	22	23	23	23	91	A clever, well-crafted and visually rich scene with clearly-drawn (if familiar) characters and a good blend of horror and funny. Scene satisfies the “scheme gone awry” and love interest “having had it” criteria of the scene prompt parameters. But what’s missing is any sense of subtext, which is essential. EEKA and VICTOR’S conversation/confrontation is straightforward and above board. It would’ve been nice to see several levels operating simultaneously. Aside from Eeka’s knife play, though, what they say is what we get. That said, some good work here.
32032	23	23	23	24	93	A solid, well-executed scene with palpable tension. Good visual sense. All characters are nicely drawn, with a minimum of effective description. Dialogue and action work well together, providing multiple layers of meaning. The nature of the “package” could be a bit clearer. It’s not NYAH’S unborn child, so I’m thinking it must be the doctor who will deliver the child. “Survive” seems to hint at this, only because it stood out as an unusual word to use in a subtextural conversation about mail delivery. Perhaps there’s a more appropriate but equally impactful word to use here. That said, nice work.
32033	22	23	22	23	90	A pulsating scene with solid energy and tension right out of the gate (so to speak). Visuals are well done, but might need to be streamlined and distilled down to a minimum of words to keep the read snappy. Intriguing approach to the scene prompt parameters, what, with the RICKY/BIRDY relationship, though the confrontation and “having it out” doesn’t really get going until more than 4 pages into the scene. Would’ve likied to SEE Ricky’s “weakening” at the sight of Birdy in action, rather than have you tell us that it always happens. What does Ricky DO on screen to convey this? All in all, though, a nice job here.
32034	22	22	23	22	89	A solid, entertaining scene with an efficient style and some occasionally snappy dialogue. The tension between SAKKS and JILIAN comes across right from the start, even if the arguing about their earlier missteps and their overall plan within earshot of the BUTLER feels a bit on the nose, however “quietly” they go about it. Some good use of blueprint and architect double-talk here, though the SAKKS/JILIAN sparring “deviates” from a believable cover a bit too much (“Like death?”). No wonder Micalla conveniently sniffs them out as imposters. Overall, a nice effort here.
32036	22	23	23	22	90	Scene has some nice zip to it, especially with the low-fat, back-and-forth dialogue banter. Character intros are equally efficient and visually effective. Would’ve liked to get to STEPHANIE and ALEX’S conflict/confrontation sooner into the scene, though, as we really don’t get to the deeper, multiple-layered mode until the next to last page. Their furniture discussion is pretty above board and literal until then. The relationship metaphors and symbolism work well when they finally do hit. That said, some nice work here.
32037	20	22	21	23	86	Scene shows a lot of potential at the onset, with effective visuals and well-drawn characters. Would’ve liked to see the scene prompt parameters at work here, though, as we don’t get much in the way of a “scheme gone awry” or a confrontation over a love interest having “had it” with the protagonist. For the most part, all the action is above board and literal, playing out like an interesting slice of circus life. Some subtext would’ve been cool, especially given what the characters look like and what their individual talents are. On a formatting note: Take some time to read produced Hollywood scripts to get a feel for what industry standard screenplay format looks like, as what we’ve got here is a bit of a jumbled mess. Remember, when submitting for a screenwriting competition, it’s best to SHOW you understand and can apply the basic formatting nuts and bolts to the page. That said, a good effort here.
32041	25	24	25	24	98	Very well-crafted and entertaining scene, with a solid environment and mood setup, clearly-defined characters and an efficient style. Dialogue is low-fat and natural, with solid layering and snappy callbacks. Scene captures the scene parameters effectively. Great job.
32042	22	23	23	22	90	A solid scene with good energy and an efficient, reader-friendly style. Dialogue has some good snap, too. Would’ve liked to see HAROLD and NEV’S conversation remain centered on the laundry, perhaps even moreso (wrinkles, crushing delicates, bleeding colors, etc.), rather than veer off near the end into the above board skydiving truth behind the tension. There’s some nice non-verbal business early on, but it might’ve been cool to equate something laundry-related (even visually) with the brother’s accident without having to directly talk about it. All in all, though, a good effort here.
32045	22	22	22	21	87	An engaging scene with some good rising tension, as ANGELA states her case and confronts ROBERT about his proposed policy change. The “quoted” word choices seem to suggest some sort of relationship-based issue from Angela’s point of view, which is fine (though a bit repetitive and on the nose in its own right), even if “supple,” “vile and vapid” don’t necessarily jibe as authentic board room speak. Also, it’s a bit of a surprise that Robert wouldn’t take advantage of her backing off on several early occasions and simply end his presentation. Overall, though, a good effort.
32046	22	22	22	22	88	Scene has good potential as, right out of the gate, we’re introduced to real life and KEVIN’S comic book world operating simultaneously. The scene quickly stumbles, though, because it can’t decide if it wants to handle the developing relationship conflict between Kevin and KATRINA above board and literal or through comic world subtext, so it tends to vascillate between the two, defusing the effectiveness of both. The comic book world seems cool enough on its own, so letting it drive the entire scene as subtext might’ve been more compelling. A good effort here, regardless.
32049	21	22	23	23	89	Solid tension right from the get go. Set-up is crisp and visually arresting, and the overall dystopic/post-apocalyptic vibe stays strong till the end. Have to say, though, the dialogue is so cryptic and stylized that it’s difficult to get a clear grasp of the context, though it’s fairly clear that the scene prompt parameters aren’t in play to full effect here. Is the abundance of apples the “scheme gone awry?” It seems MAREE is upset about something, but, again, it’s not clear. Does she regret hooking up with JOHNNY? Regardless, the scene is very above board and literal, without much subtext between them: what they say is what we get. That said, a good effort here.
32050	22	18	20	22	82	This is an interesting take on the scene prompt with some good turns along the way.  The dialogue felt a little on-the-nose and a heavier subtextual approach would have felt more cinematic.   Trimming down several of the longer speeches would have helped things move along a little faster too.
32050	21	22	22	22	87	Duplicitous nature of the LIZ/NICK relationship has some solid subtext potential, especially when it comes time for Liz to confront GREG. It seems, though, that all the info is above board and openly discussed. We know everything up front (except for the Greg/Nick ending twist, which is cool, if maybe TOO much of a surprise, though, without proper set-up for the payoff). Might Nick’s lovemaking be stilted a bit, like he’s not totally comfortable banging women? The wine-making discussion between Greg and Liz could’ve been an interesting forum for their subtext, as they equate the process with what’s going on with their relationship. Alas, we get pretty straight wine-making info, without much in the way of metaphor or symbolism. A good effort here, regardless.
32052	22	23	23	22	90	Well-crafted and engaging scene, with solid characters and an effective/efficient style that keeps the pace brisk. Dialogue is lean, which also works to the scene’s advantage. Nice descriptive flair and attention to visual detail, even if it gets a bit TOO detailed with minutiae that doesn’t necessarily aid the story. Consider keeping the Scene Description low-fat, too. Nice use of dueling conversation tracks, even if PIERRE seems a little TOO oblivious to HEDY’S developing condition, especially with them being in the same room. Not sure what FELIX is all about (cleaning up Pierre’s mess/misstep, perhaps?). It might’ve been cool if Hedy had to do the “cleaning” on her own, even in her condition. The life/death thing might’ve been an interesting bit of symbolism. In any event, a good effort here.
32057	21	22	22	22	87	Scene hits the ground running with some decent energy surrounding the fire. Nice dilemma with the vanished restaurant critic. Would’ve liked to see some of the scene prompt parameters at work here, as we don’t get much sense of a character’s “scheme gone awry” (the fire’s an accident, and the choice to make Chicken Kiev doesn’t come across as a world-ender), or that either MIMI or SCOTT has “had it” with the other. Also, the scene is pretty above board and literal, even with the attempt to use the coffee cup, onion and sausage as symbols of things going to shit. It’s a cool idea, and the scene would’ve benefitted from a more drawn out and elaborate confrontation played out through food. On a formatting note: Break up thick paragraphs of Scene Description into smaller, more easily digestible (re: readable) chunks. That huge chunk of black on the first page slows down the read. That said, a good effort here.
32059	21	22	22	23	88	An amusing scene with an almost Brooksian (as in Mel) approach to the comedy. That said, you kind of give away your gag before HANNIBAL and his WIFE are able to get into the conflict on their own, explaining your set-up and subtext through Scene Description at the scene open. There’s some decent wordplay to come, and a few nice visual beats as well (the FEMALE SQUADRON, for example), but consider letting the character action and dialogue do the scene objective heavy lifting from the get-go. In any event, a good effort here.
32061	20	22	22	22	86	Scene starts out with an intriguing premise, immediately filled with tension. BOB’S in some serious shit. But then the focus shifts to ACKER and LISTER and their presentation, which comes across as pretty above board and literal: what they say is what we get. It seems, though – (and I’m just guessing here) –you’re trying to relate the suture’s intended purpose to a personal situation between the doctors. The subtext, however, is too buried beneath the medical speak to be as effective and layered as you’d prefer. Because of that, Acker’s abrupt exit seems unmotivated. It might’ve helped if we had a clearer idea these two are intimately involved, and if this confrontation was precipitated by a “scheme going awry,” which is Acker’s last straw. In any event, a good effort here.
32063	21	22	23	23	89	An entertaining and well-crafted scene, with an efficient style and a creepy, TWILIGHT ZONE-Y vibe. Character’s are clearly drawn. Dialogue’s a bit on the nose and expository, though, especially when JOANNA and WALTER get to explaining how everything has changed. There’s “this,” and then there’s “that.” Perhaps a bit more subtlety and a few more visual references (the newspaper headline is a nice touch, BTW) are in order. Also, their conversation comes across as above board and literal: they’re talking openly about the monkey paw’s effects. Only Joanna’s concealed unease comes through as a subtextural scene element. What we see and hear from Walter is what we get. The rat-poisoned pie is a nice bit of twistiness, even if the “sugar” explanation gets a bit thick. It could’ve been as simple as Joanna trying a new recipe, which would elicit Walter’s same “mother” response. A good effort here, nonetheless.
32067	21	22	22	23	88	Scene gets off to a solid start, with some nice tension between OFFICER SMITH and STAN. Some good use of nonverbals between them. Would’ve liked to get a clearer sense of what’s happened or happening here, though. Dialogue’s a bit too cryptic, perhaps. Did Stan try robbing the bank, with Smith catching him before he pulled it off? Are they both involved in the robbery? Are they involved with one another on a romantic level? Her letting him go seems to suggest this – so does his wink as he leaves – but it might’ve been cool to drop a few more hints earlier on. Maybe she makes reference to her alarm clock, which he could’ve set so he’d be on time. Lots of unrealized potential here, but a solid effort regardless.
32070	21	21	20	22	84	Scene starts off with some potential, as it seems not all is on the up and up with RACHEL and RONALD’S operation. There’s an interesting etheral vibe at work here, too, especially surrounding the séance. It seems, however, that any sort of conflict between them is overpowered by the VERA/BETTY and CHARLES “adultery” scheme reveal. Rachel and Ronald are relegated to secondary characters. And even with that, the scene action is all above board and literal, without much in the way of layered meaning or subtext: what we see is what we get. On a formatting note: Distill and streamline your Scene Description down to fewer, more impactful and visual words. An abundance of black on the page slows down the scene pacing and the read. 2 STYLE points deducted for writing beyond contest’s 5-page limit. Hollywood studios won’t be as lenient. That said, a good effort overall.
32071	22	22	23	22	89	A solid scene with an efficient, low-fat style that makes for a quick read. Dialogue, too, is lean, even if the food symbolism kind of waffles between being too cryptic (Not sure what KRISTINA means by “sausage”) and too obvious (Her fish “spine” reference). Would’ve liked to see more subtlety in the TONY/Kristina confrontation, building toward a crescendo rather than going on the attack from the get-go. Also, rather than front load the scene with the on the nose FRANK phone call set-up, consider letting the truth emerge via the dinner table conversation on its own. MOTHER’S cluelessness works well to keep the mood lighter. All in all, though, a good effort here.
32073	23	24	23	24	94	A well-crafted and entertaining scene, operating on multiple levels. Solid, well-drawn characters. Use of the paintings works well, while the crisp dialogue provides the layering and colors of the relationship and family dynamic. Not sure MELINDA’S scheme has gone “horribly awry” here, though. DAVID simply has an opposing viewpoint on her plan, and he acts on it. On a style note: Try to avoid providing backstory detail in Scene Description (“There have been a lot of fights about his work,” for example), since your audience doesn’t have the luxury of reading your script. Let the info emerge through action and dialogue. If the detail doesn’t exist onscreen, it doesn’t exist. That said, a nice job on the scene. Well done.
32074	22	23	23	23	91	An engaging, solidly executed scene, with clearly defined characters and an efficient, streamlined style. Dialogue has some snap, and the hockey authenticity comes through. Would’ve liked to see ANTON/DAVID “jilted lover’s spat” come across as less obvious, as they pretty much broach the gay subject out in the open for the audience’s benefit. The subtext might’ve been more effective if the entire conflict played out under the guise of a normal practice situation, without their quietly-traded banter. We should be able to surmise what’s going on between them (or not, in this case) without them having to directly refer to it, like during their fight clutches. If they’re keeping up airs, then keep it up for the audience too, and let the nonverbals and action do all the talking. Overall, though, a good effort here.
32076	22	22	23	23	90	A solid and entertaining scene here, with good humor and a lean and efficient style that keeps the read moving along nicely. Especially liked the running RADIO ANNOUNCER commentary. Dialogue has some nice crackle, even though JED’S baseball-themed innuendo seems a bit too obvious and on the nose. The fact he’s only washing one pair of underwear seems convoluted. At least include some socks or an undershirt. Also, GRETCHEN’S relief (and the subsequent suggestive twist that she and MICHAEL might have something going on) might’ve been more effective if you did away with Jed’s inquiry and her “Oh, nothing” and got right to Michael entering the situation. The way she holds the underwear might’ve spoken volumes as well. In any event, a nice job overall.
32077	21	20	21	22	84	LOL, I love the very last line of this scene, and it's certainly well-earned by Chef Michael!  The setting is fun here but the scene is fairly talky overall and in need of more action throughout.  Most of the sexual innuendo is a little obvious and on-the-nose, and we crave some unpredictable twist, turn or surprise to make it really stand out.  It's a nice effort overall, but aside from the very ending, just a little bland (no pun intended).  ;)
32077	22	22	23	22	89	A fun and entertaining scene, with well-drawn characters and a streamlined, efficient style. Would’ve liked to get a hint that something’s up between MICHAEL and CLAIRE before the camera’s roll. Nothing elaborate, but enough to suggest this will not be their usual show. The cooking double-entendres work fine (and are expected in this situation), even if they are a bit heavy-handed and obvious, and possibly more specific about a particular “scheme gone awry” that Claire’s had enough of. Scene could’ve been a little less dialogue-heavy or balanced out with more nonverbals. Michael eating the strawberry is a nice bit of subtextural business, but it would’ve been cool to see them acting out their instructions (handling sausage, kneading dough, etc.) throughout the scene to drive their truths home. Overall, a good effort here.
32079	21	22	22	22	87	Scene gets to the JILL/MOM conflict nice and early, which is cool. Not much in the way of conflict between Jill and RON, though, which would better serve to satisfy the scene prompt parameters. Would also like to get more of a sense that this is a scheme gone “terribly awry” rather than just inconvenient for Jill. Would’ve liked to see her engage Mom more directly, offering her opinions about her shopping choices by way of an accommodating smile and clever barbs disguised as metaphor. She may be talking positively and constructively, but her intentions are razor sharp. On a stylistic note: How do we know that RON and JILL are who/what you say they are? What do they do or say onscreen to show us that? An audience doesn’t get to read your script. If it doesn’t exist onscreen, it doesn’t exist. Let the characters be by doing. That said, a solid effort here.
32081	23	23	22	23	91	A solid, emotional scene, with some good dialogue flourishes. Good use of the fairy tale as springboard for conflict. SETH and ABBY’S “story” stands on its own, without the FLASHBACK. You just need to be clearer on how you portray their own story’s details through what they say, how they say it, and what nonverbals clarify what they really mean. “Handful of beans” could’ve become “Hill of Beans” in Abby’s story. Get in the habit of trimming back the thicker, overly detailed Scene Description. Say more with fewer, more visually impactful words. You could’ve skipped SAMMY’S tooth brushing entirely and jumped right into the story request. Similarly, the couple could’ve realized he’s alseep without speaking, and their final exchange could’ve been reduced to a simple visual exchange and maybe a final comment from Abby calling back to the beans. That said, a good job here.
32082	21	23	23	22	89	A well-crafted scene, with an efficient, lean style and a solid visual sense. Some nice character detail and snappy dialogue as well. Liked DAVID’S unraveling scheme, especially as ROSE calls him out and drills down through one layer of excuse after the next, though would’ve liked to get into some subtext sooner than later. We kind of get to some dead cat=David/Rose relationship status doublespeak later on (wife calling, stiff as a board, and the little blue pill), but the scene’s pretty much over by then, overrun by the above board and literal discussion of the deceased kitty. Scene might've popped more if the doublespeak started earlier and built toward a crescendo. Overall, though, a good effort.
32083	22	23	23	22	90	Some solid, palpable tension here, rising effectively as the scene progresses. Dialogue sounds natural and real. Would’ve liked to get a stronger visual sense of RACHEL and EVAN’S being married right out of the gate. Other than the same last name in the Scene Description (which an audience will never know – they can’t read your script), what SHOWS us they’re married? Maybe a small gesture or greeting would’ve sold it. Evan comes across as too threatening right away, standing there when she arrives. Maybe he’s slicing the apple with the knife, raising the tension level even more as they compare out their days’ events and even preventing Rachel from sneaking off to hide her bag and delete her call logs. Then they could get right to their verbal and nonverbal “dance,” discussing the park and the knife. It takes a while to get to the scene meat and the subtext. That said, a good effort here.
32085	21	23	22	22	88	Scene starts off with some decent energy, even if the encounter with the COLLEGE GUYS kind of gives away the ending a bit. Maybe the BIKER is just out on the road by himself, returning to JOAN after having gotten whatever it is out of his system. His staples hint at something gone wrong (the “scheme,” perhaps). It seems, though, that the conversation with Joan (which has some good dialogue flourishes, by the way) could’ve had a little less “divorce” flavor (“other families have been through it”) so the retirement press conference reveal pays off stronger later. Maybe the Biker arrives at the press conference locale directly (without giving it away, of course), rather than his home, allowing their conversation to build up as misdirection before ultimately revealing the press conference and the ending twist. In any event, a nice effort here.
32086	20	22	21	24	87	Scene has a cool, trippy vibe. Would’ve loved to see what you could’ve done with the scene prompt parameters, which seem lost in the paramecium and shadow. There’s some apparent tension between DIVINE and HAIKU, but it’s not clear what it’s about or why the police are involved. Their conversation is more cryptic than subtextural, even with the sexy dance. Not sure whose HANDS are working on Britta, either. On a stylistic note: Leave the camera moves, shots and placement to the director and camerman. Your job, as the writer, is to tell the story, end of story. On a formatting note: Read produced scripts to get a feel for what goes into an industry standard formatted screenplay. You’re almost there, but there’s room for improvement. Some deep creativity on display here, regardless. A solid effort.
32087	22	23	22	22	89	An engaging and entertaining scene here. Dialogue offers some good snap and wordplay, especially during the game. Somehow wish the conflict over the job opportunity and surprise trip was more compelling than what amounts to little more than a scheduling mix-up. Did TREY really do it on purpose? Is it really a “scheme gone terribly awry?” And, if ELLE is so serious about her career, would she waste energy being so bent out of shape about the mix-up? It’s a no-brainer for her: Packers. Convolution aside, the game of charades works as an effective (if not altogether original) device for subtext and cover for Trey and Elle’s continued arguing. All in all, a good effort.
32091	22	22	23	22	89	Scene gets its hooks in you right out of the gate, especially with CHIBI’S physical condition and her urgency. Scene Description’s a little too thick, though, sapping some of that energy. Get in the habit of trimming the thicker blocks of black down, distilling the imagery down to as few visually impactful words as possible. Not sure what the “scheme gone awry” is here, or if BRIAN had anything to do with it. Liked the dual track of written and spoken dialogue to confound the listeners at the other end of the wire. Not very original, but it gets the job done. Perhaps a bit more “cover” dialogue while Chibi starts writing on the placemat, as there’s a long period of silence her watchers would definitely pick up on. The write and talk procedure falls into a better rhythm as the scene moves along. It would’ve been cool to get more detail about what’s really going on out of the talking portion of the conversation, perhaps with more metaphor and symbolism. All in all, though, a good effort here.
32092	21	23	23	22	89	Scene starts off with some decent tension, which ratchets as RANDY and ANDREW join JANE in the hotel room. There’s definitely a scheme at play here, and it’s definitely gone bad. From there, though, the scene is pretty much above board and literal in its treatment of what’s happened between these characters. Though we don’t know specifically what happened to MARY, nobody’s hiding anything or saying something other than what they mean. What we see and hear is what we get, with little in the way of subtext. That said, it’s a solid dramatic scene. Just wish we could’ve seen it applied to the scene prompt parameters. A good effort here, regardless.
32093	20	22	22	21	85	Scene starts out with some solid potential, as BOB and CAROL are up against it. Not sure if the damaged car is any kind of “scheme gone awry,” as it appears it’s just an accident or a mechanical failure. Liked the bickering between the couple, and the dialogue has some snap to it. Unfortunately, what we see is what we get, as their confrontation/conversation is above board, literal and on the nose, without much in the way of subtext. Perhaps if their argued about something else, or discussed another topic, that represented the car costs in a symbolic way. On a formatting note: You’re almost there with standard screenplay format, which is what screenwriting contests expect to see in their submissions. A SCENE HEADING would’ve been a nice start. That said, some good effort here.
32098	21	22	23	22	88	A solid, entertaining scene with good humor and a nice visual sense. Liked the foodplay between DANA and MARCUS, which conveys what’s really going on between them. Unfortunately, so does the dialogue, which is on the nose and completely above board. Dialogue and subtext perform the same task here. The visuals would’ve been more effective if the workplace conversation came across as measured and reasonable, without any antagonism or accusation. Dana may sound like nothing’s wrong on the surface and through her word choice, but the food hack ‘n slash tells us otherwise. That said, a good effort here.
32101	22	22	22	22	88	Scene gets off to a solid, tense start. MARIA and DREW’S predicament hooks us nicely. There’s definitely a “scheme gone awry” here, which is cool, though their conversation/conflict comes across more as fact finding and clarification on how they got to this point rather than a completely unrelated topic used as cover for what they really mean. Drew-as-cop is a nice bit of twist, and it leaves us asking, “What happens next?” On a stylistic note: The Scene Description’s a bit thick. Breaking it up into more easily digestible (re: readable) and visually impactful bits will help keep the energy and the read snappy. Similarly, trying to edit through formatting (the back and forth with SLUGS) tends to temper the urgency of FREDDY’S threat and saps the scene’s overall energy. A nice effort here, regardless.
32102	22	22	22	22	88	An entertaining scene with a few nice humor flourishes. The efficient style keeps the pace and the read snappy. Liked the use of the fast food ordering as cover for the ALEX and CLAIRE conflict/conversation. Some good wordplay. Would’ve liked to see both characters stay in “ordering” mode throughout the entire conversation, rather than breaking character to say what they really mean. The subtext and wordplay can carry the entire scene. Would’ve liked to get a clearer sense on what’s gone awry between these two. It’s relationship-based, for sure, but Claire seems to intimate it’s something else too. All in all, a good effort here.
32104	21	22	22	22	87	This bedroom scene has a nice sense of rising tension that builds toward a powerful climax in the end.  The dynamic between Jake and Ginger works well.  I think there's room to develop more back-story, and there are some formatting issues to address (like the use of margins and indentation).  Overall, it's an engaging scene with a strong emotional tone.  Good work!
32105	21	23	22	21	87	An engaging and entertaining scene with a good, natural feel, especially in the “real”-sounding dialogue. Saw some potential in the use of food as symbol for an unspoken topic of discussion between STEPHANIE and KYLE, even if we’re not given a point of contention or conflict to explore. Has a “scheme gone awry” here? An unfinished guest bedroom redecoration doesn’t come across as compelling enough. Not sure that Stephanie’s “had enough of” whatever Kyle’s been up to, either. Some decent philosophical musing here, but not much in the way of conflict to drive a scene. A good effort here nonetheless.
32106	21	23	22	21	87	Scene’s comic sensibility comes through right out of the gate, which is cool. The visuals and dialogue maintain the funny throughout the scene, especially the play between LARRY and NIKKI. Other than the costumes, however, there’s not much in the way of disguising truths through their conversation and subtext. The scene is pretty above board and literal. What we see and hear is what they mean, even if the picture frame scheme itself isn’t so clear or necessarily compelling. Not sure how or why “Miranda” figures into the situation either. She may be a twist thrown at Larry, but the audience won’t get it without any set-up. On a formatting note: Be careful not to overdo the PARENTHETICALS in dialogue. They’re fine for small gestures and emotional embellishment, but expanded bits of action should be formatted as Scene Description. That said, some good stuff here.
32108	21	23	23	21	88	A little bit of tension gets the ball rolling here, as DENISE’S last-minute cheek kiss is a good indication that all is not copacetic between her and PAUL. Scene has an efficient, fluid style, making for a brisk pace and a snappy read. Dialogue, too, is lean, with a few solid, snarkily comedic flourishes. Overall, though, the scene comes across as above board and literal, including the bad investment with TEDDY. What the characters say and do is what they mean, except for the last few food-related quips near the end. A little too late, as I kept thinking the ordering would have more subtextural significance. It’s mostly just ordering, though. Overall, a good effort here.
32114	20	23	23	21	87	An entertaining scene with clearly-drawn characters and an efficient, lean style that keeps the read and the pace snappy. Dialogue has some snap, too, and a natural feel. Overall, though, the scene (and the “Kansas water skiiing company” scheme) is above board and literal. What we see and hear is what JIM and JILL mean. The subtext is on the thin side. Their confrontation/conversation comes across as more suspicion from miscommunication and misunderstanding, rather than saying one thing while doing or meaning another. Liked “seasonings of death,” by the way. All in all, a nice effort here.
32119	20	20	20	23	83	“Making Toast” is an original take on the scene prompt.  There is good dialogue between Max and Gwen.  They are passionate interesting characters.  There are lots of opportunities to expand the toast parallel and add more comedy (i.e. jam, butter, burnt toast, English Muffins).  This is a great effort and should be applauded.
32120	20	20	20	25	85	“Life Is A Fish Bowl” is a great take on the scene prompt.  The original entrance of Simon as a chaotic soot covered mess is never addressed.  We are left wanting to know who he is and what he does for a living.  What did he mean by “what’s left of the office”?  His story sounds exciting, but it is just left behind.  The scene could benefit from more action.  Simon is an intriguing character.  This is a great effort and should be applauded.
32121	20	20	20	23	83	This is an interesting take on the scene prompt.  The original concept of Melinda’s boxer prophecy is intriguing.  The scene could benefit from building on that.  The imagination and passion shines in this scene.  It is a great effort and should be applauded.
32126	23	25	25	25	98	This is a very funny take on the scene prompt.  Kathy is a great character.  This scene does almost everything right.  It is a joy to read.  The dynamic between an Animal Rights Activist and her chicken loving boyfriend is rife with conflict and humor.  The wonderful scene could benefit from upping the absurdity.  Is Chicken the only evidence in the room?  Is it a lot of chicken?  Is Samuel also eating other meats (i.e. beef, pork, turkey jerky, ostrich)?  Is more hidden around?  Kathy’s search for the smell could build upon its humor.  This great scene warrants a bigger explosive ending.  The gifted talent of the writer shines through in this scene.  It is a success on many levels.
32134	20	25	20	25	90	“To Sex Or Not To Sex” is an original and funny concept.  It could benefit from more exploration on “Great Literature/Porn” idea.  The dialogue is very funny and would be served by a little reading from the porn script.  The joke of Literature Porn could play out in so many funny ways.  More characters (costumed Literature Porn actors and actresses would add to the absurdity of this fun situations.  The more bizarre, the better.  What is the film that is being made?  More fun action and less talking about it would really bump up this already script.  It’s an active porn film set.  Let’s see that (lighting, cameras, actors).  The ending could be bigger, more exciting.  This is a good scene on its way to being a great scene.  The natural talent is extremely evident in the writing.  This effort should be applauded.
32135	20	20	20	25	85	“S&M in Space” is a fun romp that follows the scene prompt with gusto.  The scene could use a little more action and expansion of the reoccurring joke.  It is a great effort and the talent is evident in the writing.
32136	22	20	17	25	84	“Walking Down The Aisle” is an original take on the scene prompt.  It is light-hearted and fun.  The dialogue could use a little editing.  A little more action could help give the scene a little more energy.  This scene is obviously the work of a writer with talent.
32139	22	22	23	23	90	A clever scenario, but extremely difficult to make work in a single scene because there are automatic logic question that come up when dealing with a ghost. The most obvious being how and why can Anders see Margot? The idea of her being late to her own funeral is good, but how could he even know this? There is something here that’s worthwhile, but tough to pull off in this context. There needs to be a little more explanation though you are on the right track with the playful light tone.
32140	20	20	25	25	90	“Wartime Folly” is a period piece that follows the scene prompt with a great style and vision.  It is a good scene with the potential to be a great scene.  It’s the 1940’s, but that is not played on enough.  The scene could benefit from more specific dialogue and use of the local.  The scene could benefit from more excitement in both dialogue and atmosphere.  The more passion Dick and Vera have the more compelling they could be.  This is a wonderful effort and should be applauded.  The natural talent of the writer is evident in this scene.
32141	25	21	25	25	96	“Furnace” does almost everything right.  The characters are multi-layered and compelling.  The dialogue is very well written.  The only draw back is the confusing subtext.  The subtext is smart, but gets a little lost.  What is the ring?  Is Roger proposing?  Is Manny Claire’s husband?  If this is made clear, the scene could be near perfect.  This is obviously the work of a talented writer.
32146	20	25	20	25	90	This scene has a lot going for it.  It seems to be part of a larger well-written script.  Unfortunately, as a single scene, the ending is a little soft.  There are plenty of questions, but we get very few answers.  With that said, it has great characters and intriguing dialogue.  It is a worthy attempt and should be applauded.  The talent is evident in the writing.
32147	20	20	20	20	80	“Barry’s Big Bag” is a fun take on the scene prompt.  The dialogue is quick witted.  Ellen is a great female character.  This scene is a worthy attempt and should be applauded.  The writer’s natural ability is evident.
32149	20	20	20	20	80	“Hypnothetically Speaking” is a fun ride with lots of funny biting dialogue.  The casting choices fit the characters perfectly.  There is lots of classic comedy in this scene.  Funny as it is, it could benefit from editing the dialogue down a little.  The talent is evident in the writing.
32153	20	20	20	25	85	"Thirty Days In The Hole" is a fun take on the scene prompt.  It has a lot of physical comedy and could go even further and be even funnier.  The dialogue could use a little more subtext.  It might add more suspense if Dave almost sees Murray once or twice.  It is a fun scene and shows the writer's natural talent.
32154	20	20	25	25	90	"The Last Oasis" is a very original take on the scene prompt.  A Post Apocalyptic Love Story.  A lot works in this scene.  The scene could benefit from more action and danger for Mark and Lisa.  What will attack if the shield isn't up in time?  A little more sci-fi and a little more emotional dialogue could help this very good scene become a great scene.  This is obviously the work of talented writer.  It is a worthy effort and should be applauded.
32156	15	25	20	20	80	“Rocks are Rocks” follows the scene prompt nicely.  The well-written dialogue leads us to a mystery.  What did Marty confess to Margie?  The scene is enjoyable, but never answers that question.  Answering that question could lead to a more definite ending.  The natural talent is evident in the writing.
32157	20	25	20	20	85	"Would You Like A Razor With Your Gin?" follows the scene prompt nicely.  The dialogue is well written.  The scene starts off great and has interesting characters, but it could use more of an ending.  Tom and Ann's argument might benefit from a little more energy.  There is a lot of great subtext, and building it to an emotional peak could lead to an energetic ending.  The writer's talent is evident.  This is a worthy effort and the writer should be proud.
32161	20	23	20	23	86	“Labor In Vain” handles the scene prompt with passion.  The subtext is well written and the characters are interesting.  This scene could benefit from more action and excitement.  Emotional ups and downs and a new location might bring a new energy to this good scene.  The writer’s talent is evident in the work.
32162	25	20	20	25	90	“Knock-Knock” has the makings of a great comedic scene.  It has a “Dumb and Dumber” feel.  Bungling Criminal Twins trying to pull off a heist is a fun idea.  The scene itself could be a little more fun.  There is very little action and the setting is just a bedroom.  It might benefit from changing up the location and giving the idiot twins an exciting heist to screw up.  This is obviously the work of a talented writer.
32170	20	15	15	25	75	“Better Than Rich” is a unique take on the scene prompt.  It is passionate, but some of the passion gets lost from too much dialogue.  Editing the dialogue could build a rhythm to the words.  Less words and a give and take between the characters could help it grow.  This is an effort to be proud of.
32172	25	23	23	25	96	“Square One” is great take on the scene prompt and has a slow disturbing reveal.  We are led to believe that Pat and Julianne are Father and Daughter.  Julianne’s emotionless look comes across as teenage apathy.  This scene does almost everything right.  Its one downfall is the first 3 pages are just a man telling a long story.  Editing the story could be beneficial.  The last two and a half pages are perfect.  This is the work of a talented writer.
32174	20	22	25	25	92	“Dog and Cats Living Together” has some very funny dialogue and a great reveal (they have each other pets).  The subtext of the pets getting neutered and declawed is great, but it could be reversed.  The parallel seems to be Mallory wants to neuter Thomas and Thomas wants to declaw Mallory.   The first reveal that Thomas was speeding so he could beat Mallory to the Vet might be more exciting and urgent if he was driving a more powerful car.  Thomas and Mallory are great characters.  Obviously the work of a good writer.
32180	25	20	20	25	90	“When Mary Left Larry” is a touching scene that follows the scene prompt beautifully.  The subtext is so good that we don’t know Mary wants to die until the end.  Bravo.  The pee and booger jokes seem out of place and unneeded.  The ending is so wonderfully “human” and sad.  The first two pages could benefit from being more like the last three pages.  The natural talent is evident in the heart felt writing.  This scene is blossoming flower not fully open yet.  When it reaches its potential, it will be a powerful and moving scene.  This is a great attempt that should be applauded.
32181	22	22	23	21	88	This car / apartment scene has some smooth dialogue and a strong dynamic between Chase and Crystal.  I'd like to see more emphasis on back-story to understand the genesis of this conflict better.  Overall, it's an engaging scene with a strong ending.  Nice work!
32185	20	20	25	25	90	“Uncrackable” is a good scene with the potential to be a great scene.  The concept of “married Super Villains dealing with personal issues while the clock ticks and the Super Hero gets closer” is wonderful.  The scene could benefit from more sci-fi.  They are Super Villains, there is a lot of comedy that could come from them having powers.  The ticking clock (the Hero getting closer) could be more prominent, giving the scene some suspenseful action.  The natural talent is evident in the writing.  This scene is a diamond in the rough.
32186	25	21	25	25	96	“A Cleaner’s Kill” is an excellent and original take on the scene prompt.  It is like “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” meets “The Sopranos”.  The dialogue could be a little more biting.  The contrast of their personal issues and horrifying actions works so well.   The scene may benefit from less mob talk and more personal issues.  We don’t need to be told Sandra is going to work on the fingers and Delvin is doing the teeth, we need to see it.  A starker contrast between dialogue and action might help this great scene become even better.
32187	20	20	20	20	80	“The Strike” is a great take on the scene prompt.  The constant “near deaths” give it some nice action.  It is a great scene with a little room to grow.  The talent is evident in the writing and Cynthia is a strong female character  This is a wonderful attempt and should be applauded.
32189	25	25	25	25	100	“Jane and the Junk” is a great scene.  The original story, the moody pacing and the well written dialogue all blend together to make a wonderful scene.  It is obvious this is the work of a very talented writer. This scene is a success on many levels.  It leaves you on the edge of your seat and wanting to know what happens next.
32191	20	20	20	20	80	“Really Read What’s In Front Of You” follows the scene prompt and has nice bits of “snarky” dialogue, but it seems to lose it’s way a little bit.  The scene feels like it is building to an emotional climax, but the ending isn’t there yet.  It’s obviously the work of a talented writer and a great attempt.  A new more exciting ending would benefit this nice piece of work.
32194	20	20	20	20	80	"Directions" is a great take on the scene prompt.  It has likable characters, but the scene has little action and could use more excitement.  Is there any danger?  Is Dean speeding?  Where else could they be driving?  Where else could they driving.  Thinking "outside the box" when it comes to "directions" might open the scene more.  Everything has directions to follow (i.e. putting a bicycle together, cooking something, setting up a BLURAY player, etc.)  This is a good scene with lots of potential.
32196	20	15	20	25	80	The idea of a couple cowering in a closet while monkeys tear up the place is original and funny.  The Bud who hires monkeys instead of cleaning people to clean Anne's house is a funny likable character.  The graphic humor about female body parts makes him less likable, as does the throwing of feces.  Bud is a good character who might benefit from being more lovable and less angry.
32200	25	20	25	18	88	"The Dangers of Bird Watching" does a lot of things right.  It really takes the scene prompt to heart.  The structure and rhythm are already in place.  This scene could benefit from thinking "outside the box" in both subtextual dialogue and action.  It's a morning show and in reality, "Animal-related" guests usually bring their animals.  This scene is a diamond in the rough and indicative of a blossoming natural talent.
32202	20	20	25	20	85	The ending of "My Name is Anak" is haunting.  It is a great take on the scene prompt.  The ending is so good, but the build up needs work.  It might help to play on Benjamin's resentment, so we feel like this kid is on the path to blowing up.  The dialogue is good and could use some more energy.  A scene has to build on itself.  This scene ends on a sad realization that leaves us thinking.  The blow up that happens before it should be big.  This is obviously the work of a talented writer.
32205	10	20	25	25	80	"What Would Charlie Sheen Do?" has a great twist and some good dialogue.  The structure needs some work, but on a whole, this scene is a worthy attempt.  The talent of the writer shines through.
32207	20	20	20	20	80	"Donna Mae (or may not)" is a fun scene with interesting dialogue.  It could benefit from some editing to bring out it's full potential.  The talent in the writing is obvious and the scene is a worthy effort.
32213	10	20	25	25	80	"Venomous" starts out as a great scene with thrilling suspense and good dialogue, but it's ending falls flat.  There doesn't seem to be a real ending and we are left feeling jipped.  With that said, we are also left wanting to see more of this film.  It has the potential to be a great "monster movie".  Much of the writer's talent is evident.
32214	25	25	25	25	100	"Life on Mars" does everything right.  It follows the scene prompt in a very original way.  It is funny and the characters are very likable (Especially Marrissa).  "In space, no one can see my camel toe." is an amazingly funny line.  This a very well-written scene by a very talented writer.
32215	15	20	20	25	80	"A For Effort" should be applauded for it's effort.  It is a well-written scene with a little room to grow.  The surprise reveal at the end is great, but the dialogue leading up to it could be more exciting.  If Marla knows Carl killed Mr. Schlemer, she might be a little more upset and dramatic.  On a whole, the talent of the writer certainly shines through.
32218	15	20	25	20	80	"Plan B" has a great suspenseful pace.  It feels like a scene in an Alfred Hitchcock movie.  The characters and dialogue are interesting.  It is a great attempt by a great writer.
32220	20	20	15	25	80	"Miss Communication" puts an original spin on the scene prompt.  It is a funny scene with very likable characters.  The false ending followed by the surprise reveal (they really are Vampires) adds excitement and intrigue.  This is a great attempt by a talented writer.
32222	15	15	25	25	80	"That's Barbaric" is written with wonderful imagination.  It's funny and visually entertaining.  Unfortunately, it doesn't follow the scene prompt.  With that said, this seems like a scene in a great sci-fi/fantasy movie.  It is a great attempt by an obviously talented writer.
32224	20	20	15	25	80	"Some Things Never Change" puts an original twist on the scene prompt.  Having the entire conversation through text is an inventive concept, but unfortunately it leaves the scene devoid of action.  "Some Things Never Change" is a great attempt with many things to like about it.
32226	21	25	25	25	96	"Romantic Dinner... for Four" is a very well-written piece that follows the scene prompt.  The dialogue is great.  The characters and their secret love are interesting and likable.  It is a success on many levels and should be applauded.  The ending is a little flat and could be bumped up.  This scene was written by a writer with obvious talent.
32227	20	20	20	20	80	"The Poor Sap" is a well-written comedic scene, but it doesn't quite follow the scene prompt.  The characters are likable and there are man opportunities to follow the scene prompt.  This a good scene with a little room to grow.
32228	20	25	20	25	90	"Bible Class" is an original take on the scene prompt.  Its a well-written scene that can use a more definite ending.  The writer's talent is obvious and the scene is interesting.  A worthy attempt.
32231	25	25	25	25	100	This scene is a daring take on the scene prompt.  The surprise ending is done well and completely catches you off guard.  There is so much right about this scene.  It is the work of an obviously talented writer.  A success on every level.
32233	20	20	20	25	85	"Stuck In First Gear" is an original and fun take on the scene prompt.  It could use a little more "energy" to drive it to the end, but it is a well-written attempt by a great writer.  It might be a little more exciting if the scene was taken outside.  The bike conversation could work just as well on a "Tour De France".
32234	20	20	20	25	85	"Work Experience" is a fun take on the scene prompt.  The relationship of Mickey and Minnie as played out in front of the children is filled with smart interesting dialogue.  This is a great effort by a talented writer.
32236	20	20	20	20	80	"Fixer-Upper" is a charming take on the scene prompt.  The dialogue is enjoyable and the characters are very likable.  It might help to give "the Enventor" an actual name to help us identify with him.  This is a great effort by a talented writer.
32237	20	20	20	20	80	"Not What I Had In Mind" creatively follows the scene prompt and is a very fun scene.  The use of Gordon as Tim's object of jealousy is very relatable to anyone who owns a pet.  This scene is a great effort by a talented writer.
32241	20	20	20	20	80	"Wine Rhino" is a slight bit confusing in its attempt to put an original spin on the scene prompt, but is still a very enjoyable scene.  It is a great effort by a talented writer.
32242	20	20	20	20	80	"One Piece Only" is a little clumsy in it's attempt to follow the scene prompt, but it is a great effort by a talented writer.  While the dialogue is a little repetitive it is very enjoyable.  A little editing and this scene could live up to it's full potential.
32243	25	25	21	25	96	"Four Diamonds" follows the scene prompt with zeal.  It is a well-written scene by a very talented writer.  It is a little monotone and could use a little more action/excitement, but It does so much right, it is a joy to read.
32246	15	25	20	25	85	"Who Truly Deserves The Finger?" is an interesting take on the life and responsibilities of a Super Hero.  While it doesn't quite follow the scene prompt, it is very funny.  This is a great attempt by a talented writer.
32247	20	20	20	20	80	"Velvet Kitten" has a charming noir with it's colorful characters and quick dialogue.  A great attempt by a talented writer.
32251	15	20	23	25	83	"The Prisoner" takes on the scene prompt with a multi-layered conversation between two great characters.  The ending us leaves us wanting to know more, wanting to see what happens to Evangeline and William.  While the crashing of the vase is subtly powerful, we are left wanting to know what the vase means to Evangeline.  The passion is prevalent in this worthy attempt.
32253	18	17	20	25	80	This is a good scene that has room to grow.  Who is Betsy?  Does she not like Football and is being supportive?  Is she such a fan that she is even more extreme than the guys?  By the end, she is willing to soil an adult diaper.  Why?  Is she trying to make a point?  Is she just that wild?  Betsy is a great character.  This good scene will benefit when we know who Betsy really is.
32255	23	25	25	25	98	This is a well-written scene with smart dialogue.  It is obviously the work of a talented writer.  It could benefit from more danger and action, especially in juxtaposition to a more traditional husband/wife conversation.  The scene has a "Mr.& Mrs. Smith" feel.  It is a success on many levels.
32256	20	21	22	22	85	Though this scene gets off to an interesting start, thanks to its good setting and sharp character dynamic, it slows down quite a bit when they get to the bedroom.  A little more action and a little less dialogue in this moment would have made it feel more cinematic.
32260	25	25	23	25	98	"Loco Discurso" follows the scene prompt perfectly.  It is the work of a talented writer.  Rosie and Joey are very likable characters.  This is a well written dark comedy and can afford to go a little darker.  Morgan is bleeding to death while Joey is talking.  that can be played up a bit.  The dialogue is funny, but it can be funnier.  The scene could benefit from more word play and gardener-related sexual innuendoes.  "Loco Discurso" is a success on many levels.
32261	20	20	20	25	85	"Roleplay" is an excellent idea and works on many levels.  More dialogue references to what is going on in the game could allow for more jokes.  What are the characters doing when Becca tells Jared about Scott?  Some funny juxtaposition could work well.  The "break up" is perfect.  "Switching Guilds" is very funny.  Amping up the romantic innuendoes early on could give us some subtle flirting between Becca and Scott.  "Roleplay" is a good scene that shows growing talent.  Very original idea.
32262	22	24	25	25	96	"Running on Empty" follows the scene prompt well.  Sandra is easily relatable because Tyler is so selfish and unlikeable.  Sandra's life with Tyler is heading down a deserted highway on nothing but fumes.  It is well conveyed in the writing.  This is a smart scene by an obviously talented writer.
32263	20	25	25	25	95	"The Dinner Date" was an original and charming scene.  It could benefit from either making Desiree stand out as a man in a dress or making her strikingly beautiful.  Either way, she should stand out and attract attention.  Customer could be staring or men could be flirting.  If she is passable and know one notices she is a man, then the reveal is an opportunity for a big moment.  A good scene by a talented writer.
32266	20	20	20	20	80	"Wiseguys" starts off like an episode of "The Sopranos".  John tells Helen that the boss heard she was a rat.  That is a big statement that could lead somewhere great.  Instead, Helen says she's not a rat and John believes her.  It is obvious that this scene is written by a talented writer.  "Wiseguys" could benefit from a little harder dialogue.  There is nothing to keep us in suspense.  Does John think Helen is a rat?  Is he going to kill her?  The great twist is that she kills him.  Not letting Helen give away any hint that she is going to kill John could make the last moment even bigger.
32269	20	20	25	25	90	"One More Time" is a unique scene with a neat twist ending.  "What is on that computer?" is the question that drives this scene.  Whatever it is can change the world.  Is Bob a reporter with the story of the century?  The reveal that it is a submission for a script writing contest almost feels like the scene is breaking the fourth wall.  It is a great reveal.  The scene could benefit from amping the danger and playing with the mystery a bit more.  Other cars on the road might give the feel that they are being followed.  "What is on that computer?" is the question everyone should be asking.
32270	20	20	20	20	80	"Step Away From the Dishwasher" begins perfectly.  Liv is OCD and that makes her very likable.  Everybody has something they are crazy about, so her OCD makes her relatable.  The scene builds wonderfully for the first 3 pages.  After that, it gets a little confusing and the structure goes awry.  It seems like Liv overcomes her fears and sets the object of her OCD on fire.  Her transformation feels empty.  The scene could benefit from building the fight more until... BOOM (the dishwasher gets blown up).
32272	22	25	25	25	97	"Quiet Murder" is a great scene.  It follows the scene prompt perfectly.  The dialogue is wonderful.  It is an original, thought provoking scene written by a very talented writer.  At times, "Quiet Murder" feels like a Tennessee Williams play.  At times, a Coen Brothers Film.  The pacing is eerily slow.  The only drawback is the action on the page.  The scene could benefit from trimming the over-descriptive action.  Otherwise,  "Quiet Murder" is a unique, well-written scene.
32274	15	20	25	25	85	"Trying to Handle The Truth" is a great idea.  A veiled argument between an African American Southern Baptist Minister and his gay Evangelical lover is a wonderful idea.  The characters are very interesting and the scene prompt is creatively followed.  It is a little difficult to understand what Tony and Lester are "saying" to each other.  Clearing up what they are fighting over would help.  The scene could benefit from "taking it a little further" with the humor.
32274	15	20	25	25	85	"Trying to Handle The Truth" is a great idea.  A veiled argument between an African American Southern Baptist Minister and his gay Evangelical lover is a wonderful idea.  The characters are very interesting and the scene prompt is creatively followed.  It is a little difficult to understand what Tony and Lester are "saying" to each other.  Clearing up what they are fighting over would help.  The scene could benefit from "taking it a little further" with the humor.
32274	20	20	25	25	90	"Trying to Handle The Truth" is a great idea.  A veiled argument between an African American Southern Baptist Minister and his gay Evangelical lover is a wonderful idea.  The characters are very interesting and the scene prompt is creatively followed.  It is a little difficult to understand what Tony and Lester are "saying" to each other.  Clearing up what they are fighting over would help.  The scene could benefit from "taking it a little further" with the humor.
32275	19	25	23	25	92	"It Will Get Better" is a subtly powerful scene with moving emotional dialogue.  The scene prompt plays out in the words and action.  Eleanor begins a little upset and ends calm.  The scene could benefit from seeing Eleanor go from a little upset to a lot.  The dialogue could be taken even further.  An original scene by a talented writer.
32277	20	25	25	25	95	"T.S.A." follows the scene prompt with zeal.  It is a well written scene with fun dialogue.  The tension could be upped by making the TSA members more suspicious.  A great attempt by an obviously talented writer.
32278	15	20	23	20	78	"Dead Meat" follows the scene prompt with delight.  The main characters are interesting and the dialogue is funny.  A fun scene.  Like a diamond in the rough it needs some editing and cleaning up.  A well-received attempt.
32280	20	20	20	20	80	"The Biggest Losers" is a brave attempt at a comedy.  The humor is a slight bit insulting.  It can be a much more likable comedy if the couple's weight problem isn't so over the top or if it is handled with a little more dignity.  They can be severely overweight, but the subject could be taken less lightly.  The idea of them being normal weight and putting on a ton of weight to get on the show is very original.  If it is made clear that they go to extremes to be on different shows, then it can be much more likable and funny.  Again, it is a strong effort by talented writers.
32283	25	25	20	20	90	"The Bankers Dozen" is a great scene by a very talented writer.  Its only drawback is that it doesn't follow the scene prompt at all.  Beyond that, the scene is well written and leaves the reader wanting to read more of the story.  It is a success in almost every way.
32286	25	25	25	25	100	"Deathbed" is a success on every level.  It follows the scene prompt perfectly.  Even POP is saying one thing but meaning another.  It is touching, funny and very well written.  This is an impressive scene by a very talented writer.
32287	20	20	25	25	90	"Advanced Spinning" is a fun scene that creatively follows the scene prompt.  The dialogue could go a little further and be a bit more biting.  In this well written scene, the subtext of a woman punishing a man for lying to her is played out in the spin class.  The opportunities for physical comedy are abound.  Joe is sweating to death in a business suit.  That could be played up a bit more.  This is a great scene by a talented writer.
32289	25	25	20	20	90	"Cooking with Fire" follows the scene prompt well and is a great idea.  It relies on the same beat over and over.  Using toys in a battle of sexual innuendos is smart, it just needs to build on itself to a big explosive ending.  Each innuendo should be funnier than the next.  What other toys could be used?  Thinking outside the box might help.  This is a great effort by a talented writer.
32290	25	25	25	25	100	"The Defect" is an excellent example of getting it all "right".  It is disturbingly eerie and a wonderful commentary on society's pressure to be perfect.  The reveal of the genetically engineered children is a complete surprise.  The scene prompt is adhered to perfectly.  A total success.
32291	25	21	25	25	96	"Pigeons" does a wonderful job of following the scene prompt.  The dialogue is very good and has a very "real" feel to it.  The story of Daryl and Tracy is creatively played out by the birds.  There is some real talent in this scene from a natural writer with a little room to grow.
32295	20	25	25	20	90	"Yellow Cat or Flannel" does an excellent job of following the scene prompt.  It has quick, smart, funny dialogue.  The characters are likable and their give and take is charming.  The scene and dialogue could benefit from a little more energy.
32298	25	20	15	25	85	"One Road Out" is a touching scene with good dialogue.  We feel for Marky and Don.  The idea is very original and it follows the scene prompt in a creative way.  The pace good be brought up a bit.  At times, it feels monotone.  A little more dialogue from Katie could help this.  The emotion needs to amp up just a little.  This is a great attempt by a blossoming writer with obvious talent.
32304	18	20	20	25	83	"The Wedding A'dress" is a funny original idea.  The dialogue flows easily and the question of why Kristin is in such a hurry is always prevalent.  Kristin is a great female character.  The scene could benefit from a bigger ending.  It didn't follow the scene prompt, but was enjoyable and definite proof of the writer's talent.  The protagonist's voice is very clear and fully formed.  "The Wedding A'dress" is a great effort by a talented writer.
32305	15	25	20	25	85	Pages 1-4 are well written with very funny dialogue.  Jenn especially is very funny and very likable.  Pages 5-8 (two days earlier) are somewhat confusing and the story gets a little lost.  The action is a little too detailed and distracting.  With that said, the talent is evident in the writing.  The characters are great and the dialogue is very smart.  This scene could benefit from clearing up and grounding the last few pages.  This is good writing.  It deserves to be understood.
32306	25	25	20	25	95	"State Your Claim" is charming, bizarre and well written.  It is very cleverly bookended by a conversation of what Carol wants for lunch.  The outrageous performance to fool the insurance company photographer seems so "routine" to Donald and Carol.  It shows that this relationship is constantly filled with compromise for Carol.  This original well crafted scene is fun and rife with subtext.  Carol's empowerment is clearly conveyed.  Great Job.
32308	25	25	25	25	100	This is a great scene on every level.  The dialogue flows naturally and is ripe with smart humor.  "Brad's Got a Gun" follows the scene prompt perfectly, in an original and inspired way.  The parallel between Jenny and Brad's relationship and Brad's feeble attempts to keep them alive is both really funny and really smart.  This is an excellent scene and proof of high quality talent.
32309	15	23	25	20	83	"Intimate Apparel" does an excellent job following the scene prompt.  The dialogue is well written and layered in sub text.  The pacing is a little slow.  This scene could benefit from a little more energy, but the talent is apparent in the writing.  "Intimate Apparel" is a great attempt that hits its mark quite often.
32313	15	15	25	25	80	"Otherwise Engaged" is an original idea.  The police-interrupted marriage proposal is great and having most of the scene in handcuffs was visually interesting.  The dialogue is a bit too specific.  It is a very "real" way of speaking, and while that is a brave choice, it becomes a little hard to understand.  This scene could benefit from broader dialogue choices.  "Otherwise Engaged" is an inspired attempt inherent with blossoming talent.
32314	20	22	17	25	84	"The Ambrewlance" is a great idea for a comedy.  The dialogue is charming and believable, but could stand to be funnier.  Rob and Emma are likable characters.  The scene would benefit from a bigger ending and a little more chaos.  It takes a certain kind of man to buy an old ambulance and sell beer out of it.  Rob has potential to be a Bill Murray/Jim Carrey kind of character.  He could be explored more and taken up a notch.  "The Ambrewlance in Action" is a great attempt by a talented writer.
32315	18	22	20	24	84	The dialogue is great.  Geena is very funny.  Her timing is perfect.  The idea of a couple being surprised by a reality series and thrown into a dance competition is original.  There are many things to like about this scene, but it doesn't follow the scene prompt at all.  Geena and Thor are saying one thing and meaning the exact same thing.  With that said, the talent is in the writing.  "The Sweetheart Dance" is a very good attempt.
32320	20	18	25	20	83	The stylized dialogue is both a plus and a minus.  It is a writer's own unique voice, but it has to be understood.  The innovative dialogue in MAWK has a great "real life" feel to it, but it gets confusing.  Anthony coaching Mawk at the same time is a smart choice.  The scene is a heavy dialogue scene which could be made better by clearing up the dialogue a bit.  An impressive attempt.  The talent is evident.  It just needs room to grow.
32321	25	25	25	25	100	This is an imaginative scene that works on so many levels.  An original take on the Big Bad Wolf.  Susanna is such a great female character.  The sub text of their bad marriage is done so well, beyond the wood.  All the energy Big is expending on this little girl is energy he could be using to make a better life for his wife.  This is a very dramatic scene.  Big chooses addiction over his wife.  This is a fantastic scene and shows a lot of talent.
32322	25	25	25	21	96	This is a great scene.  It is intriguing and leaves you wanting to know more. Sci-Fi and Mystery blend effortlessly to give it a "Blade Runner" coolness.  It is futuristic noir that works on many levels, but it doesn't follow the Scene Prompt.  With that said, it is a very good scene and shows great talent.
32325	24	23	23	23	93	A very well-written scene with some good drama and great set up and pay off with the dog. However, the subtext is minimal. It’s clear they are arguing about the recent dispute even though they aren’t mentioning exactly what happened. Leaving out information is slightly different from having a conversation about one thing that really means something else. It’s a very good scene, but it’s hard to include subtext in this case because it is so serious and the stakes so high that the characters would naturally say exactly what they mean.
32327	25	25	25	21	96	The action at the beginning of the scene needs to be tightened.  It is far too descriptive.  The dialogue and pacing are excellent.  The scene prompt was followed perfectly.  Bart and Allison are the comic relief and they do it well.  Penelope and Griffin are witty as well.  The ending could use a bigger laugh.  Characterization is great.
32328	25	25	25	25	100	A very impressive scene that follows the scene prompt perfectly.  The characters literally have to say one thing but mean another or they will give away their affair.   It is funny and ripe with conflict.  The comedic pacing is wonderful and we care about the characters.  Liz is a classic female protagonist, witty, cute, independent and caught in her own web.  This is a great scene.
32332	25	25	20	15	85	It's very easy to feel for Joan, Terry is a jerk.  An excellent job of capturing that.  The sparks really fly between these two.  Joan is the protagonist.  The scene builds so great, the ending could use a little more pop, a little more drama.  It might serve the scene to use a different location.  Same argument, different situation.  We are left wanting to know what Joan is going to do next.  Great effort by a talented writer.
32334	23	25	25	25	98	Being on Wake Up Boston forces Jerry and Olivia to deal with an argument through an on air food segment.  That is a funny, original take on the scene prompt.  The dialogue is biting and fun.  At the end of the scene, we are left wanting to know how Jerry and Olivia will get out of their financial situation.  Great job all the way around.
32335	18	20	25	25	88	An incredibly detailed and descriptive scene.  It truly paints a picture.  With Jack trapped in the small space, the entire scene was tense.  Great visual take on the scene prompt.  Lara literally walking on top of Jack is a great metaphor for their relationship.  There is room for more dialogue.  Very Original with a confident sense of style.
32336	20	20	24	24	88	Very Original.  An excellent job of "saying one thing and meaning another".  The song was fun and funny.  The scene can use a little more action, a little more movement.  It's a funny song, it might be a funny dance too.  A perfect job of following the scene prompt.
32337	20	8	8	22	58	The dialogue and comedy left me flat.  The last line of dialogue was intriguing and made me want to read more.
32340	21	22	22	21	86	A nice slice of Hollywood life, right down to the air kisses. The KAREN and BILL intro gives us some nice tension right out of the gate – this is not going to be pretty, by any means. And then BITSY gets into the act, which raises the tension level. The scene seems to stumble after that visual moment, as the outright animosity between Karen and Bitsy pushes aside the subtext. No minced words here. What we get is what they mean. And that continues with the Bill/Karen post-clash clash in front of the PAPARAZZI. No subtlety or subtext left, except perhaps for the flying marinara and caesar. Overall, though, a good effort here.
32341	20	21	21	20	82	This scene has a good idea with your basic domestic issues that come with living together.  The writing allows for some nice tension with the hot coffee and doorbell, but once Kate gets angry at John, we are distanced as it seems to shift to the debate between satellite TV versus cable TV (frankly, I prefer satellite!).  We're just not given enough information about the relationship to be really drawn in; maybe the cable guy doesn't become a big enough character.  Usually, less is more but in this case, we need a little more!  Good luck.
32341	20	21	21	20	82	This scene has a good idea with your basic domestic issues that come with living together.  The writing allows for some nice tension with the hot coffee and doorbell, but once Kate gets angry at John, we are distanced as it seems to shift to the debate between satellite TV versus cable TV (frankly, I prefer satellite!).  We're just not given enough information about the relationship to be really drawn in; maybe the cable guy doesn't become a big enough character.  Usually, less is more but in this case, we need a little more!  Good luck.
32341	20	21	21	20	82	This scene has a good idea with your basic domestic issues that come with living together.  The writing allows for some nice tension with the hot coffee and doorbell, but once Kate gets angry at John, we are distanced as it seems to shift to the debate between satellite TV versus cable TV (frankly, I prefer satellite!).  We're just not given enough information about the relationship to be really drawn in; maybe the cable guy doesn't become a big enough character.  Usually, less is more but in this case, we need a little more!  Good luck.
32344	20	20	20	21	81	We get a little confused spatially a the start here as it seems Dana unlocks the door, yet Robb is already in there.  Also, Charmayne calls to say she's on her way and then immediately gets to the store (would some really call when they're right outside?)  The stuff between Dana and Charmayne isn’t as interesting in what's going on between Robb and Maddyson, which never really develops - it seems the subtext is about Dana and Robb's relationship, but they never really seem convincing as a couple.  Help!  The mail seems to be a distraction early on, and the ending falls a little flat.  Remember, movies are about action!  You have to make the scenes interesting.  Good luck.
32345	21	20	22	21	84	This scene has some good writing, a nice style and a setting that, while imaginative, never really seems to mesh with the characters.  Of course Astrid's many graphic slayings make for good eye candy but the relationship with Matt and the dialogue between seems all too contemporary and domestic.  They don't feel like they're authentic to that environment and we must ask, why zombies?  Remember, good visuals are excellent, but when looking for plot, avoid the cliche!  Even if you're doing something that's been done before, give us a new spin... something that will make it stand out!  Good luck.
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